:: moi world ::

sex, lies and betrayal

2007-01-10T20:36:00.000+09:00

2007 for me did not start with a good note.

I found out things I wished I did not. I spent my New Year's Eve with W and the girl he's dating. Not his girlfriend according to him but he's sleeping with her. How awkward was that?

Grr...

And he confessed he's been dating other girls even before we broke up. So at the end we're even.

I feel stupid for feeling guilty all the while and I don't know which so-called friend of ours told him about me cheating on him when he/she doesn't know W has been doing the same.

Our relationship ended with a pretty fair ending. We've both cried, we've both laughed, feeling angry and sad whenever this subject was brought up.

He said I should move on for my own good.

I've already moved on two years ago, darling.

It's just that I love playing the part of being the victim. Just because to get back at you for saying you've tried so hard to save our relationship when in reality it was just a big lie to cover yourself.

i dislike you, you and you...

2006-12-13T20:18:00.000+09:00

I HATE rude people in general. Wherever I go, I always seem to bump into them. Okay, it was since last week. For example, last nite a customer from hell came into the restaurant. I was helping out second mum.

CFH: Do you have skim milk? Don't tell me you still DON'T have it. I want skim milk with my coffee!!!!!

Me: Sorry, we only use Hi-Lo milk. Hi-Lo is skimmed anyway.

CFH: Now, you're wrong. You could be sue under Trade regulations Act yada yada for making that statement. You know I could sue you for saying that? Hi-Lo milk is not skim milk!

Me: I didn't say Hi-Lo milk is skim milk. I said it is skimmed.

CFH refused to listen and continue to blab and threatened to sue me and that he was right and how great he was to prove a point to me that he was right. I was like... whatever. Go for it.

And he just stormed out. Bleh.

today i'm a super shopaholic

2006-11-22T21:21:00.000+08:00

This is the only time of the year that I can't control myself no matter how I try to.

During the David Jones two day sale last weekend, I managed to get the heels I've been eyeing for since last month. I thought there wouldn't be anymore sale at DJ till Boxing Day which isn't gonna help anyway because I'm going for another vacation and it's 25% off! I saved quite a lot of money so I'm one happy girl.

Anyway, Myer is having a one day sale this Friday and I can't wait. I'm eyeing a new ipod (I'm a nano girl!) and no, not the pink one! The ipod won't go on sale but the accessories would so it's a good bargain I reckon. DJ had the same promo too last weekend but since they didn't approve my credit card (the sales girl convinced me as long as I meet all 4 criterias they had, I'd be fine)... I bought the heels there because Myer doesn't carry that particular designer range. Maybe because they think my financial situation isn't glam enough for them which doesn't make sense because it says as long as the applicant earn above $20K p.a.? The only reason I wanted the card is because I wanna know the promos firsthand. Pfft! The only place I'd put myself in debt is the institution called the daddy so I do not understand why my application got rejected. Boo hoo. I still can't believe it. I have pride too and I feel so rejected, as though I'm not good enough for them. You know where am I coming from? No?

Back to Myer upcoming sale, I'm after a couple of perfumes and some new bags and clutches too. And shoes. I saw a pair of black slip on heels which I wouldn't pay full price for but if they're 50% then why not? And 40% off RRP all books! Wohoo!!!!

Oh God, I still haven't fully recovered from the time I walked out from Alannah Hill spending over $1K last month and additional $380 during their clearance sale last week. But thank God, no more debts. Phew...And no, I'm not buying Alannah Hill stuff ever again. Some of them were cutesy little gifts for my sisters and baby cousin (she's 12 but to me, always a baby!). Did I also mentioned I bought 3 watches since I'm going away on holiday and conveniently donated money to the duty free store. I still have one of the watches on lay-by.

That's it. No more shopping till June. Oh, this of course excludes any work clothes and a spanking new digi cam.

tonight i've finally let him go

2006-11-20T01:08:00.000+08:00

W and I haven't really officially call off our relationship despite the fact that it was over even before we realized it.

We have finally let go the very thing that we've shared for the past six years. It's been beautiful all these while but knowing that we've changed so much in the past couple of years that things cannot simply be like the way it used to be. From the moment Ell walked into my life, my feelings for W has never been quite the same again. My heart has found its way to let Ell go but with W it's just not as simple as a summer fling.

Tonight, I feel a sense of loss which is indescribable. After you've been with someone for that long, having loved that person for who he is, it just seem that breaking up is the last thing to be expected yet when two souls no longer has that connection, there's no point holding on to it just for the sake of holding on thinking that it would eventually be revive.

I smile when you told me that I'll always be your soulmate because there is no one in this world who understands you as much as I do. You will always be that special someone to me too, darling.

today i believe most people are ignorant

2006-10-21T09:40:00.000+08:00

I really do not know what have this world comes to.

I never fail to notice that most people sitting on the seats clearly labelled Priority Seatings do not carry a child, pregnant, disabled or having a single strand of grey hair or wrinkles on the face. Look, even if you're 45 years old, you're not consider old GET IT?

The worst offenders are kids in their 20s. The most ironic part is, most of the time, there were plenty of seats at the back. So hard really does it takes a clearly healthy person to walk to the back of the bus.

Yesterday, I saw this lady parked her big bum on one of the priority seats next to her mum who is clearly not even old. So an old man board the bus and it was obvious the man has restriction when it comes to walking yet she didn't move or even offer him the seat. Instead the old man is forced to take a seat all the way at the back. And guess what? Both the lady and her mother were just getting off after a few stops in CBD area. Do you know really need a seat to begin with? Shame on you!

Anyway, the situation is worst back in Malaysia and Singapore. One of my friends relate this story to me when she was working in Singapore and back then when she was 6 months pregnant with her first child, no one would actually offer her a seat most of the time whenever she takes public transport unless she asked for it. God! Especially guys, I cannot stand it if guys just pretend that a pregnant woman does not exist. How ungentlemanly is that?

Okay, it's shopping time. Yippie! (I know it's totally unrelated with this post but just so because shopping makes me happy!)

today i shop for christmas outfit

2006-10-15T01:21:00.000+08:00

I was meant to find a black high heels for work and I ended up trotting into Alannah Hill and got myself a cocktail dress instead. Yippie!!

All I need now is a matching heels and clutch in gold. Spend more money again buying unnecessary stuff but the dress is so gorgeous I feel so happy just by looking at it. I'm really not a big fan of Alannah Hill. She has all this flowery wacky colour combination prints and beads and what not but her chiffony items are actually quite eye candy like, hence my dress.

So tomorrow, I'm back on my black high heels hunt.

Wish me luck because I most certainly need it!

Goodnight!

today i heart suzy smith

2006-10-09T13:35:00.000+08:00

Whee!!! I finally got myself a huge ass black bag, although it's not a tote. It's a large hobo with gold studs and hardware for the very affordable price of $89.95. The only downside is, it's not leather. Which means it wouldn't last as long if I'm gonna use it as a trash around bag. I'm beaming right now if you could see me.

Anyway, I'm close to bankruptcy right now but I need some new shoes and work clothes. And bags. Okay, not necessarily bags because I've just received two on my birthday. I'm saving money for a new digicam and mobile phone. I need about $1000 for both of them. My sisters birthday are coming up. I am thinking of getting a Tiffany sterling silver necklace for the youngest one and a tote bag for uni for the older one. So that's roughly about $600. And Christmas... Can I just disappear during the Christmas period? Hohoho...

And I need to save enough for my Europe trip next year when sis is studying in London. UGH. But at least it's not till September.

I really don't know how can I save money unless I'm earning a huge ass salary which I'm not (I'm STILL sitting below $40K p.a.). Or swiping Pa's credit card which has been lying somewhere in the drawer. Pa is getting older and I should be the one giving him pocket money instead of the other way round. Or buying clothes from Target which I'll never ever wear. First of all, It's not US Target. You don't get Isaac Mizrahi stuff. And secondly, the quality of some of the products are quite shittie and over-priced.

I also have this bad habit of needing matching shoes or accessories or whatever if I buy a certain item and I'll go hunt and look for the matching accessories and ended up spending more money. For example, I got a red bag as a pressie and I'm looking for a pair of red shoes (Saw a pair of red suede flats in Zomp for $90) before I could use the bag. I really can die living like this because I just simply can't walk out with mis-matched outfit. So tell me, how can I save money unless I go stark naked?

today i feel like killing max brenner too

2006-10-04T12:20:00.000+08:00

Isn't it funny how Max Brenner doesn't always have hand-made chocolate for sale?

I thought they're supposed to be chocolate cafe or something along the line. It's so obviously when it's AFL grand final weekend, the whole Melbourne is flogged with in town so don't you want fricking business. At all? No? Too rich to even bother?

*long sigh*

I love chocolate and I really just can't let it go when they told me I can't have some. They won't have any stock in till November. Like wtf? I thought it's supposed to be never-ending flow of chocolate since it's not a seasonal thing like fruits. S was in Melbourne a few months back and the same thing happened.

So was it just me or does all chocolate shops operate that way? I sure have never encountered one before! It doesn't bother me for now because I have better chocolate (Godiva)in stock for my eating pleasure at the moment.

Speaking of chocolate, do give the yummylicious Starbucks Signature Hot Chocolate a go. It's heaven! Not for the faint heart though.

today i'm re-discovering my inner self

2006-10-04T03:06:00.000+08:00

You know how I always do not know what I want apart from my love for shopping but when I woke up a few days ago, I finally knew somehow that I have to end my relationship with S.

The only problem is I do not know how to... And the fact that both W and S doesn't know that I'm seeing both of them con-currently. Yeah, I know I'm such a bitch but this is my life, even if it's fucked up. I do not know how my relationship with S turned that serious. I know that he is when he spent about $800 on buying me birthday gifts when he has never done so before to any of his ex girlfriends. Or when he told how he wants to impress me by having a successful career and he's speaking about the future. Our future.

I can't imagine parting with my lovely bag soon but such is life. You gotta do what you have gotta do.

I hope my I'll start building my career instead of fooling around when I start my new job. I really can't wait. After all, I'm not THAT young anymore. The older I get, the less accomplished I feel.

i do not like crappy presents

2006-09-20T02:03:00.000+08:00

I have only one simple request whenever it comes to buying me a birthday gift. Either get me something that I like or nothing at all.

This applies to people who are close to me. As for acquaintances, I do not mind anything because chances are, I'll just give them away if I don't like it. End of story.

My girls knew better to consult me or among themselves whenever it comes to either one of our birthday.

It is always the boyfriend that never listen.

And he had to go get me things I won't even wear. 2 pairs of sneakers, 2 shirts (read: not top/blouse), 2 hats (I don't fucking care if it is Goorin Brothers hats, I only know Philip Treacy). The point is, I'm not even into hats!

Stab me please!

Well, I did not hint him on stuff that I want. I told him directly. But he never listen.

I really don't appreciate pressies which I think are crappy. I tried but I just simply can't.

I feel like crying.

spring love

2006-09-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

I'm lusting over the large YSL Muse in white.

I don't mind the medium size one as well.

Or the YSL Rive Gauche bag. In white of course.

Bless me.

i'm just plain greedy

2006-08-14T00:58:00.000+08:00

I really have no idea why I've been eating so much and spending lots of money on food these days it is really not funny anymore.

So I wanted to save money, or try to, hence I decided to buy ice-cream from supermarket instead of Baskin-Robbins. I ended up spending more because I reckon I need three different kind of ice-cream. >.<

On a side note, I've perfected my skill in making garlic prawns. It's probably better than the one you get at Witch's Cauldron.

Food asides, I'm jetting off somewhere for a short holiday next month! Yay! I really can't wait. And I'm looking forward to it so much I've started counting down to that day, which co-incidentally falls on my birthday. Yep, it is gonna be little treat to myself.

Speaking of birthday, which I don't really want to because it's a reminder of my age. I'm just really ancient. Although not as old as Belgarath but still... In case you're wondering, Belgarath is a character in one of David Eddings' books and he is at least a couple of thousand years old.

I could still remember my darling girlfriend promised me two birthday cakes this year. *grins* I reminded her about that last week. I could smell chocolate cake or Baskin-Robbins' yummylicious ice-cream cake. I also pointed that out to S that he should make up big time for this birthday of mine. And that I want two birthday cakes. Then I realized I would have four birthday cakes. How can I finish all four of them?

On an unrelated note, I watched The Lake House two weeks ago and I was crying like there's no tomorrow. I tried to sob quietly and had to force myself to hold back from breaking down and wail. It was the part where Sandra Bullock was kneeling down in front of the post box, crying. Yes, it was THAT bad. I've not came across any movies that made me reacted this way.

I've not done any shopping since I bought those gorgeous sunnies. I'm trying not to spend too much just so I could splurge on my upcoming trip. I've even planned to have Starbucks coffee every morning. You'll never appreciate it till you lost it. It's true. After all I started drinking Starbucks coffee since I was a teenager. It's been almost 10 years!

Does anyone know where can I get a nice pair of comfy of black heels? I need a black and a white tote too!

White is so gonna be in this coming spring/summer. Actually white has always been a classic so to me, it's in every spring/summer. And I can't stand those salesgirls who keep on urging me to try on nautical style tops. Excuse me, I'm too short to wear vertical stripes. It will only makes me look fat so regardless it's in fashion or not, I cannot bring myself to wear that, get it?

today i've gone haywire

2006-08-06T16:35:00.000+08:00

Time seems to be an important essence to me nowadays. I've not been having enough sleep yet procrastinate when I should really be doing my work, rushing for a very important deadline (immigration purpose) in 3 days time. I was given 6 weeks time frame yet I managed to waste 4 weeks doing nothing. >.<

I'm barely halfway done and I'm awaiting my documents from overseas which was only couriered out on Fri. I've asked for extension once, I'm not sure it's wise to ask for a further extension because I'm afraid it might jeopardize my case.

S has been nagging me for the past 6 weeks and I got so fed-up I lied to him that I've actually completed everything that has to be done. I'm bad. I just never learn from the mistakes I made. I'm such a sloth, really. I always do things last minute. :-(

Fuck.

I'm panicking right now that I even dreamt about it last night. Except that the dream was in a full story line from the pieces of stuff that has been worrying me for the past few weeks. I didn't know my brain has capability to do such thing.

Anyway, despite me worrying over my unfinished work, I still manage to try to ignore it and went shopping yesterday. In fact, I've been doing quite a bit of shopping for past one week. Good things come in pair so I got myself 2 pairs of jeans & 2 pairs of sunnies (Jackie O look-alike black sunnies and a pair of white diamante sunnies). That, makes me a very happy girl and $700 poorer.

I did not realized that I do not have enough money in my daily savings account to pay for my sunnies and immediately two thoughts came to my mind, use my credit card or my other savings account which I vowed not to touch as it will incur a substantial amount of fee everytime I withdraw money out from that particular account. In my entire 2 years, I've not touch a single cents from that account and there is only money going in. It feels divine to see I'm being able to save *that* much money. I'm really proud of myself for once. I was about to use my credit card but I changed my mind because that could only mean Pa would be paying for my sunnies.

So I was short of $50 and I asked S to lend me money instead. He, very reluctantly handed it over to me. And he asked question that pissed me off, "When are you going to pay me back?"

What a cheapskate ass. If I were to run away with his money, $50 is seriously nothing. Even $500 is not enough for me, you get what I mean?!!! It's just disheartening that he still doesn't trust me when it comes to money.

Why is it always money?

And if there is someone that should be more cautious here, that would be me because to put it bluntly, I'm richer than him. Even if I sit at home everyday and not earning any income compared to him working every day, I am still r i c h e r than him. Really, it's not like I'm not going to pay him back although I think $50 is not a lot because regardless of what people say, money makes things happen. And that $50 could mean a lot to some people.

Anyway, enough of mindless ranting from me. I need to get ready to meet my girls and then I'm dropping by to see second mum before I come back and finish my work once and for all so that I don't have to worry about it anymore. Yippie!

today i cry my heart out

2006-07-14T23:37:00.000+08:00

I left my sunnies in the Myer changing room and I came back to look for it within 10 minutes but it was gone.

I've been feeling quite upset coz it's less than a year old. I can't believe anyone would actually took my sunnies. If I found a pair of sunnies or a bag that I love to death accidentally left behind by someone, I would most definitely surrender it in. Because I could understand how that someone would feel. Because she probably work hard to buy it. Or even if she is rich, it doesn't give anyone any fucking right to take it. More importantly, it could be a gift from someone she adores dearly which in my case, it was a pressie from Pa.

But of course, in reality this rarely happens. Reality can be so harsh sometimes. When I told this to some people, they even mentioned that if they were to find something that interest them, they'd most likely keep them than to hand it in. You left something in the changing room, say goodbye.

*sigh*

And if you happen to read this, the next time you found something that doesn't belong to you, no matter how insignificant you may think it affects the person who lost it, please, give it back to the rightful owner. Simply because it belongs to that person.

I guess this teach me to be more careful next time around.

And whoever who stole my sunnies, up yours asshole!

today i'm a junk food addict

2006-07-08T02:28:00.000+08:00

I was just reading through the text messages I sent to S and I've realized that 80% of my Melbourne shopping list comprises of food and more food.

Max Brenner chocolate, Haigh's chocolate, Krispy Kreme doughnuts (I asked for two dozens! God! How greedy), Famous Amos cookies, Mrs Field's cookies. I swear the sugar is gonna kill me someday.

I still have a few bars of chocolate lying around in my room! And a tub of Baskin-Robbins in the freezer.

I'm just so greedy. Ma would start lecturing me non-stop if she see the way I've been binging on food. -.-

sleepless night

2006-07-06T20:05:00.000+08:00

It's karma I tell you. I seem to be on a bad luck streak again.

I could hardly sleep because of my shoulder and neck. It hurts everytime I move. Not even slightly. How can someone not move while sleeping?

And my stupid Sergio Rossi pumps have been killing my feet. Not to mention I have mouth ulcer. *sniff*

I was downtown watching Click. It's boring but I cried a little. Only a little so stop looking at me that way. I was so tempted to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest but I've promised S I would wait for him. Damnit! I regretted my decision judging from the fact that there aren't any nice movies been released these days. And I don't watch a movie twice so I can't sneak behind him to watch this today and watch it again with him next time. It would be a torture.

I don't know why but Captain Jack Sparrow reminded me of Mahd. Maybe it's just me.

On another note, Myer has another sale starting today. It seems never-ending to be honest. This sale thing. I just cruised through without picking anything. Unbelievable. It's the crowd that kills my retail therapy appetite I supposed. I've asked S to check out the price of spybag if he came across any and if the Ferragamo store has my shoes size, he's getting them for me! I'm paying him of course. Neat.

today i hurt myself

2006-07-05T23:34:00.000+08:00

I pulled my left shoulder's muscle/nerve or whatever medical term it is called. Basically, I can't lift up my left arm or my entire left side of my neck hurts. Badly. I can't even move my neck all that much. And this has never happened to me before.

About 2 weeks ago, I pulled my knee's muscle/nerve or whatever medical term it is called whilst sleeping and I woke up screaming. W jokingly said I must be playing footie.

Last week, I hurt my right foot and I accidentally burn my fingers whilst cooking.

I just really have to admit I'm getting old.

You want prove? Two guys hit on me two days in a row. Let me re-iterate. One old man (bastard!) who is older than my dad and still very married and apparently super rich and one 32 years old divorcee. I know both of them on acquaintance level.

God! Whatever happened to guys my age? What about Jake Gyllenhaal?

On another note, S is away in Melbourne for the weekend and I kinda miss him. Not because I love him so I miss him. Wait, I don't even love him but it's just that I hate people leaving me. Although it's just temporary.

I gave him a shopping list though. >.<

Considering the fact that we turned out pretty screwed up (in terms of relationship), we could still talk facing each other. It never cease to amaze me because I just feel like punching him sometimes.

I should probably go see a chiropractor tomorrow. It does really hurt. Will someone give me a hug for now? Anyone?

to lex with disappointment

2006-06-30T13:59:00.000+08:00

I went to watch Superman Returns with the gang last night. Not my girls. This is the boys gang that I hang out with occassionally for movies, river cruises, more movies, parties, cinemas, movies. Okay, I'm getting repetitive.

If you haven't watch this movie, good. Don't even think about going to watch it. Keep up the good work. Bravo!

If you decided to go against my advise, well... You will find yourself wasting $15 to sleep in an uncomfortable chair. God, what is Lex Luthor trying to do? Taking over the world which a scheme that doesn't even make any sense. If billions of people died, what's the use of having lots of money?

If I may add, I'm quite a big fan of Lex Luthor but not this time around. He just kinda sucks this time. Bleh!

soccer, football...ice-cream!

2006-06-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

I've not been getting enough sleep. It wasn't because of staying up late watching the World Cup but rather, watching Stewie taking over the world. Yep, it's the Family Guy!

I think I've gone past the football phase since a couple of years ago. Yes, I call it football regardless what AFL fans say. I grow up watching footie with Pa since I was a little girl. Back then when Ryan Giggs was still gorgeous and Andrei Kanchelskis was still around.

Now I don't even watch footie. I guess I'm just no longer interested. Probably because Pa is in a different continent. I bet on them though. Hey, that's the best part I reckon! -.-

I've been binging on ice-cream so much that even when I have running nose, I still continue to eat it. Non-stop. Winter is really bad. It's making me fat.

I have to admit I'm still thinking about Nonna. How I saw her the other night when I said my final goodbye to Nonno. She was weeping. She has spent most of her life with him, I can't imagine how will she cope now that he is gone forever. Isn't it amazing that there are old couples around who still love each other so much? Despite the fact that I don't really believe in marriage, people like Nonna and Nonno have proven me wrong, for once.

So I told S to spend more time with his Nonna and Nonno. He thought I have gone crazy for telling him that out of a sudden.

That aside, I probably am crazy.

Because truthfully, I don't mind having a son who has a mind like Stewie.

Yes, I'm a little twisted inside.

goodbye, nonno

2006-06-13T12:28:00.000+08:00

Dearest Nonno,

I can't really place this feeling in my heart right now. It was just not long ago when I saw you sitting down on your favourite spot. You were quiet as usual, watching Nonna doing all the talking. When I looked through your eyes, I could see a man who has gone through hardship in life. More importantly, I also see a person who has the most gentle soul ever.

I'll never forget how you used to kiss me so fondly on the cheeks and treated me like one of your grandchildren...

How you held my hand tightly as you walked me to the door...

How you and Nonna accepted me as part of your family just like second mum and Zia did...

And despite you speak little English, you muttered out, "Good girl" whenever you see me.

I never really get to know both of my grandpa because they've gone to heaven when I was a little girl.

Thank you for letting me having the opportunity to know how it once felt like before.

I'm gonna miss you, Nonno. I think we all will... There is no doubt about that.

Love always,
Chica

today i'm friend with baskin-robbins

2006-06-05T19:23:00.000+08:00

Okay, so was every other day.

But I had it first thing in the morning on my way to meet up with one of my girls for lunch. I just couldn't resist the temptation. And then, I had it again after lunch. So Baskin-Robbins and I are indeed BFF (Best Friends Forever).

I've been having craving for pizza since last 2 days and I was meant to get it from Domino's or Pizza Hut. Sometimes, junk food is good. To me, junk food is great all the time. Somehow, I didn't get a chance to have pizza for reasons like, there were too many food at home or I had something else for lunch or dinner and then thought about pizza only after stuffing myself with err...something else!

So today, I finally managed to have pizza! Hooray! But the pizza at this trendy cafe didn't even turned out as good as cheapos Domino's. I paid $24 for pizza that I didn't even like! Ugh... But the coffee I had was brilliant though so I guess it kinda made up for it. No?

Yep, I've been piling myself with food all day longggggg.

Well done, chica. You won't be able to fit in your jeans anymore! :-(

overheard in the bus

2006-06-04T13:39:00.000+08:00

My mind was mindling its own business when it picked up this conversation.

Woman in a funny accent which I can't place exactly what it was: My brother works for IBM.

Man in a mouse voice: Really? That sounded fun!

WIAFAWICPEWIW: Yeah...He has got so many benefits! Home loans, Discounts on cars as well as insurance. Such a good company!

MIAMV: I'm sure your company would give you benefit as well

WIAFAWICPEWIW: (In a serious tone) No

MIAMV: Well, wouldn't it be nice if they give you discount to buy beds? Would you like a big bed?

I'm trying to suppress myself from bursting out laughing.

WIAFAWICPEWIW: No

Me: *snorts*

I'm positively sure I just embarrassed myself but buying bed? You gotta be kidding me!

to boss with love

2006-06-02T11:09:00.000+08:00

Random things to do in the office when the asshole boss is not around:

- Online shopping at eBay. Or browsing! Don't you just love eBay?

- Reading gossips on Trent is the new pink! You really don't need to buy gossip magazines anymore. Hail Trent! I love this guy to bits.

- Blogs surfing. Enough said. -.-

- Scaring the shit out of myself nagivating through the introduction of Siren 2. This is absolutely brilliant, trust me.

- Having ciggies break. Lots of it. But then again, the last time I smoke was a week ago... Maybe not!

- Texting my girls. I sent a text message to the wrong person this morning. It was meant for one of my girls but somehow it got send to S. Maybe I'm still thinking of him sub-consciously. Thank God I wasn't bitching about him in that sms. :-)

- Jobs surfing on seek.com.au. What? Don't look at me that way.

- Last but not least, write a blog entry!

of sale and biscuits

2006-06-01T17:34:00.000+08:00

Nope, I'm not writing about biscuits sale but I'm absolutely hooked with Wernli biscuits. They're so yummylicious. And nice. And yummy. And fattening. Eeeks!

Don't you just love the month of June and December? I went down to David Jones on Tuesday afternoon to look for the Ferragamo lady and before I walked up to her, I've tried on 3 pairs of shoes. :-)

Although David Jones sale officially started yesterday, but in truth it was on the day before. The poor Ferragamo lady looked so tired and she was depressed coz she didn't manage to get the dress that she loves.

There was only size 6 left and she lamented, "As though I'm gonna fit in there..." before continuing with, "I just bought a pair of Armani, I feel sorry for my credit card".

I just nodded and smiled. She reminded me of how I was like last year. Spending the money I never had although my girls argued that daddy's money is technically mine too. How naive were we.

Anyway, my black Vara is not on sale but the lady was happy to give me 10% discount and I could come back anytime for that. Which means I get lots and lots of time to think about it since it's not on sale, they're not even in sight at all. It's just annoying that they hide away all the non-sale items in the store room.

I had my eyes on one of the gorgeous heels but it was a size too big for me so obviously I can't bring it home. And the Ferragamo lady looked at me and mumbled, "Just like my dress..." :-(

And if you don't already know, Myer preview sale starts next Tuesday so go in and grab a bargain!

in ferragamo we trust

2006-05-28T16:24:00.000+08:00

Remember how I said I'm hunting for a pair of black pumps and I'm considering the Ferragamo's Vara which was on sale?

I was at David Jones and I tried on the pumps despite the fact that they don't carry my fitting. I have a wide foot so C fitting would fit me perfectly well but David Jones only carries A and B so I got a size bigger in B to try on and oh my God, they were so comfy!!! I looked as though I've met the love of my life.

A lady who saw me trying on that pumps exclaimed excitedly, "I like those shoes you've got on! They're gorgeous!"

I smiled sheepishly thinking, "Am I getting old or what?" Just so because, only older ladies seemed to make comments whenever I try on Ferragamo shoes.

I have to say I didn't manage to find a pair of pumps that call out to cute guys but I found something else that is exquisite and chic. And more importantly, comfortable. The reason I'm saying that it is comfortable was because one of my girls have the same pair in beige. She has quite a number of Ferragamos and she reckoned that Vara by far is the most comfy pair she's got.

The black Vara is not on sale at the moment and the salesgirls at David Jones wasn't sure if they will ever go on sale and the Ferragamo salesgirl wasn't there today. So, I'm going back to have a chat with the Ferragamo salesgirl. She might give me some discounts. -.-

Patience is virtue, sometimes. So I shall wait.

code my ass

2006-05-23T15:10:00.000+08:00

I should have followed my instinct but I was curious so I went off to watch what else but The Da Vinci Code.

I almost fell asleep in the cinema. -.-

I don't know why sis said the book is interesting and that it was one of the best books ever written. Maybe she is right. The movie just decided to turn out boring. But then again, Ron Howard is boring. And God, not to mention Tom Hanks! The one and only movie he's really good in was Forrest Gump. Period. And half of the time I was trying to figure out what Audrey Tautou was saying. I have to give credit to the music though. That's the only part I enjoyed throughout the movie.
But then again, I watch at least one movie at the cinema every week so I would have watch it eventually.

Are there actually any good movies nowadays?

cold cold heart

2006-05-21T12:46:00.000+08:00

It was Mother's Day and S bought three bouquets of flowers for the three most important women in his life. His nonna, his mum and moi.

Except that I don't feel the same way.

How I hate the feeling. You know the feeling when you have stopped loving someone and you didn't really planned for that to happen yet it did?

Wow.

Fucking wow.

i can be silly sometimes

2006-05-11T00:45:00.000+08:00

The weather has been so cold lately yet I still did manage to wear single layer clothes to sleep, walking around the house complaining it was freezing. My fingers are freezing as I'm typing this. And to top it up, I just had half a tub of Baskin-Robbins. -.-

No, I'm not torturing myself but I'm just merely showing how much I LOVE the cold weather. Brr...

I've not been getting enough sleep lately as well. I helped S with his assignment last night because he is just plain unlucky, not having group mates whom he could work with. One of his group mates could barely understand English. This is just like sending me to study at Germany. Some of these students shouldn't even be in Uni to begin with! But then again, George Bush graduated from Harvard so...

S and I are on talking term at the moment. I try not to get too close to him and as much as I wanted us to remain as friends but theoritetically it could be dangerous and almost impossible. We're not enemies or anything like that but I really just can't pretend nothing has happened between us in the past and pretended we're one big happy family if that makes any sense at all.

Apart from S, I worked every single day last week I didn't even have time to shop. I'm hunting for a nice gorgeous black tote. And a pair of black pumps too! It's a torture when you can't find things you so desperately need.

I was out with one of my girls earlier and I kinda like the black Ferragamo's signature pump with bow. It is on sale at the moment and it costs $356 after discount. The price is alright (although I prefer not to spend that much at the moment) but the pumps are oh-so-boring although I'll definitely own one of those someday. Right now, I want sexy pumps that calls out to guys. I mean cute guys, of course.

*Sigh*

Can someone please help me out here? I need a gorgeous black tote and black pumps!

five days and still counting...

2006-04-27T11:22:00.000+08:00

That's the duration of time I've not spoken or heard from S. Neither do I bother to contact him.

I keep on asking myself whether it's the right decision but since the moment of unhappiness I've gone through being with him exceeded the moment of happiness by three to one, the answer is pretty obvious.

I definitely do not feel regret but rather I'm just glad that it's over. Sort of. It's gonna be another vicious cycle going on if I relented.

It's not as bad I thought it would be. I'm feeling numb and alright, of course.

it runs in the family

2006-04-25T16:16:00.000+08:00

You know how Jake Gyllenhaal is so cute but he's got an ugly sister in the form of Maggie Gyllenhaal?

That's how S is like.

Except for the fact that he is already ugly. And his one and only sibling a.k.a his sis just annoys the hell out of me.

So maybe it's just me trying to pick on her but really, ANYONE who doesn't know how to dress properly but think they're so glam should be shoot. Let's not talk about fashion because each and every individual has his or her own fashion sense, just as long as you're not too out of the league. Like for example: black top, green skirt, black pumps looks alright but why on earth the red bag? Ewww...

Like really, if you're gonna spend so much on something, might just as well make it the best. She earns more money than I do (she's a physiotherapist) so I can't see what's the problem, monetary wise.

Let's leave the sister alone and move to the older brother. I've been trying so hard to get away from him. I've given him enough chances and I just knew it if it's not gonna work since ages ago, it's not gonna make any difference now.

Not that he gives a damn how I feel when he insisted that I tell him what went wrong.

The point is, nobody is at fault here. When a relationship doesn't works out, it should just end rather than dragging on for ages.

I do understand when he needs to spend time with his mates but what I do not understand is why does he needs to lie to me about that, giving excuses like he has to do his assignments. My girls meant the world to me and I know how important it is to cherish friends but that doesn't mean I have to blatantly ignore my boyfriend.

If friends are more important to him, then I would rather just be his friend. Hey, I'm supposed to be someone special in the first place but since I'm not, so be it.

What, you think it's easy to maintain a girlfriend?

of easter and chocolat

2006-04-17T13:12:00.000+08:00

Happy Easter, girls and guys and kiddos!

I've only got one question everytime it comes to Easter but no one has ever manage to answer it.

Why does most of the Easter chocolate only have a life span of 2 months or so when 'normal' chocolate on the shelf can lasts for about a year or more? WHY WHY WHY?

It's breaking my heart because I can't stock up Easter eggs. They're so convenient to eat.

speaking of salad...

2006-04-02T18:45:00.000+08:00

We had 40 people in for dinner last night (thank God it's not all on the same time) and there were only me, second mum's elder sis, (Let's call her sexy grandma - she lives up to the name trust me) and our dear chef, A.

It was just me running around on the front and occassionally, sexy grandma when I was too busy making coffee or deserts. It's not easy if you have the whole place full of people but everything was under control.

I've taken the order for the 6-top at the front, sat down a couple who just walked in, delivered drinks to the 4-top (2 couples). One of the couples at the 4-top are the parents of S' best friend. S is second mum's middle daughter.

I moved on the party of 5 tucked at the back of the restaurant. 3 girls and 2 guys. Those girls are prissy I swear, one ordered bruschetta and the other 2 ordered, what else but salad for dinner.

The girl looked at me snobbishly and said, "I don't want any anchovies in my chicken caeser salad."

I nodded and put down on the note: Bitch alert, no anchovies before she dies from trying to lose some weight.

Of course I didn't do that.

The curly hair brunette chose sundried tomatoes salad with grilled chicken.

The 2 guys have pastas. Easy I thought.

So I placed their orders in and proceed to take the 4-top orders.

Somehow in between running around and 20 minutes later, I realized that the party of 5 still haven't gotten their orders out yet when A asked me whether the 4-top is ready for their mains. Apparently there were some confusion at the kitchen as the chef and sexy grandma were working around getting orders out, etc.

I walked up the party of 5 explaining to them what happened and apologized, telling them their orders would be ready as soon as possible. They seemed quite happy when I delivered the food.

When the caeser salad girl got hers, she went, "Was it just me freaking out or was that anchovies?" pointing at her salad.

The curly hair brunette girl peered into the salad and replied, "It is anchovies!"

"I'll get this replaced for you. I'm sorry about that." I offered.

Well, A took 2 minutes to make her a fresh salad with no anchovies. I delivered her salad and apologized again.

She just brushed me off saying, "No worries!"

So I walked away to check on the rest of my customers. Everyone is happy, either chatting away, laughing, drinking or eating.

Not long later, the party of 5 walked up to the counter. They didn't even bother to have deserts which I'm not surprised considered the 3 girls being anorexic wannabes.

One of the guys, who offered to pay for the rest of them cleared his throat and said, "We're not quite happy about some things tonight. We live down the road and come here quite often. Usually we're happy. What went wrong in the kitchen, the orders were late and stuff."

I definitely do not recall them as regulars. Because if they are, beats me, sexy grandma would have recognized them too.

I bit back my tongue and said, "I've explained what happened earlier, and I'm sorry once again for the unpleasantness."

"And one of the girls does not have artichokes and pepper or something in her salad." he continued.

Then the curly hair brunette hair nodded and said, "Yep, there's no artichokes and red pepper in it!"

"Also, the girls didn't get their diet cokes." he added.

"Shouldn't we get some sort of discount or something?" the other guy chipped in. He seems to be the nicer one of the bunch though.

I looked at the leader of the whingers and said, "I'll ask the chef if I could knock a few dollars off the salad, it shouldn't be a big deal. As for the cokes, it's entirely my fault. I forgot about it but you should have told me."

"Oh, we just thought that to bring this up together at the end," he said.

I'm about to bang my head on the wall at this point of time. It's my fault for forgetting the cokes but if they really wanted the drinks, they would have reminded me. This is not some sort of mind-reading class or memory test.

"I'll take $3 off the salad price for you, if that's alright." I asked the curly hair brunette.

"Yep, sure... That sounds good." she said.

"How much did she said she was gonna take off?" the caeser salad girl asked her.

When the curly hair brunette told her the amount, she quipped, "You should have got it for free!"

"Are there anything else you guys are unhappy about?" I looked at the party of 5.

The caeser salad girl immediately replied, "There were anchovies in my salad!"

The leader of the whingers noticed how stupidity has taken over one of his minions and immediately but his hand out towards her, obviously signaling her to stop talking further.

I was giving them this shocking look and told the leader of the whingers firmly, "I've replaced the salad for her."

"I've knocked off the corkage charges for tonight as well just to be fair to you," I continued knowing what exactly these people were after. I really just can't wait to get rid of them and I hope that they will never come back.

The leader just nodded and said, "There's no problem with that." He passed me his credit card to be processed and the party walked out after the transaction is done.

The nice guy stayed back for a couple more minutes because he was waiting for the chef to prepare his desert to be taken away.

In that 5 minutes, I've found out that they don't come by often and they mostly do take-aways. The only time he's been here was 3 years ago, I didn't ask about the rest

The girls have totally forgetten about the diet cokes until they're leaving the place. "Not that they need them, anyway." he added.

Sexy grandma and A were sitting outside so I went up to them and complained about the bunch of whingers. A mentioned told me it's common as these people are after free food whatsoever, it's the hospitality industry. Sexy grandma mentioned that when she said goodnight to them, they didn't reply and just walked away.

I walked off to clean their table and the curly hair brunette left only 1/4 potion of her salad. Come to think of it if she really wants the artichokes or red pepper badly, she should have asked for it immediately and if she's really unhappy with the food, she could have send it back to us without eating it and she definitely would get her salad for free.

It's just like me not liking something but managed to somehow force myself to finish it anyway. It doesn't make any sense.

I still can't believe such people do exist, nit-picking tiny details which don't make any sense just to get free food. If you can't afford to eat out, then don't. Stick to Hungry Jacks like how the chef puts it.

today i'm on salad marathon

2006-03-31T14:31:00.000+08:00

*sheepish smile*

I loathe salad for as long as I can remember. That is until I discovered the best salad dressing last week. It is called Cafe 26 Original Salad Dressing. Weird name but it tasted so yummylicious.

I love mangoes a lot too! And I usually have them after I had my salad. Nevertheless, less and less mangoes are on sale right now. It's probably the end of mango season. Was there mango season to begin with I'm not too sure.

My darling baby sis courier-ed over a whole lot of Famous Amos cookies when I told her I missed them. She is such a sweetheart. I think she kind of feel sorry for me that I don't get what I usually get back home. Like my daily dosage of Starbucks' skinny latte.

Face it, people who said Perth is a wonderful place because we don't have giant businesses trying to take over this whole place are obviously, lying. I grow up seeing all this and if a coffee place is good, no one can affect the business. It's very much individual preference and I think that Gloria Jeans coffee sucks. Big time! Cafe Angazi at Curtin Uni has the best cappuccino in town. Dome comes in second (not all Dome outlets though - I ever tasted a very diluted coffee from the same outlet three fucking times). Whatever happened to quality control?

The weather is absolutely beautiful today. Whenever I decided to stay in, the weather is just brilliant. And whenever I have plans to go out, the weather is just plain shittie. Like yesterday for example. I managed to escape into the cinema to avoid the heat and watched V for Vendetta instead. God, Natalie Portman is so annoying. I can't pin-point what exactly it was but like that alien mother Katie Holmes, she's annoying. Her voice, her look, everything.

Yikes!

I keep on remembering this line from Star Wars: Episode 3 whenever I hear her voice, the part where she was sobbing and said "You're breaking my heart, Anakin!" *cries even louder* Please dump her back to Harvard and stop her acting career.

I so wanna watch The Inside Man though. Should be interesting since it was directed by Spike Lee. Speaking of movies, S told me he has won an auction for a movie prop item which costs him US$300 not including the shipping cost. I won't tell you what it was but the bloody item is heavy. I'm glad he's gonna die paying for the shipping cost. Not forgetting the seller only ship via Fed Ex. If I'm not mistaken, Fed Ex is a courier company. *evil laughter*

Have a good weekend people! I'm definitely gonna enjoy myself.

today i'm gabrielle solis

2006-03-26T21:05:00.000+08:00

"There are lots of hippies in this place," S said, making a comment whilst we're sitting down having dinner at one of my favourite cafes.

"At least they're not yuppies!" I replied with a dagger look.

"You are a yuppie yourself," he said nonchalantly.

"I'm not," I retorted.

"Yes you are. Mrs Solis is a yuppie. You're like her," he shot back.

I just sat back and kept my mouth shut because if I open my mouth at that point of time, I was gonna start shouting at him.

Perhaps I'm very much like Gabrielle Solis. Well, I love pretty stuff, I dedicated most of my life to shopping and I'd rather not eat than to give up my pair of heels. That, doesn't make me a yuppie does it?

Anyway, S is driving me insane I swear. He is a pain in the ass.

So I agreed to go out for dinner and movie with him on Friday night but little did I know he has decided without consulting me that we're joining H and his friends for movie.

I felt absolutely shittie towards the end of the evening because he was driving around in circle for half an hour looking for parking unsuccessfully, only to missed the first 10 minutes of the movie. For fuck sake, no one would have the faintest idea to watch movie on a Friday night in the city because it's late night shopping. It's full with people!

So when I got all upset, he thought I was being a drama queen and unreasonable because H just buried his best friend the day before, who also happened to be a friend of his back in high school. Don't get me wrong, H is a good friend of mine too and I want to be there for him during this difficult time but at least S should fucking tell me if he decided to change our plan. Just because none of my friend is dead *touch wood* that doesn't make me any less important.

Not to mention he made me paid (for him as well) for the movie I wouldn't watch in the first place. He always have this habit of asking me to pay for dinner when he pays for movie (or vice versa) whenever he asked me out. The point here is, he asked me out. So by right, he should be paying for it. After one fucking year only did I realized this. It was probably because it wasn't a problem back then because I was using dad's money, so I had plenty of it at that time.

When I buy things for him, I didn't ask for money. Neither did he offered to pay for them. The most he did is buying me dinner which probably cost one tenth of what I spent on him.

He doesn't buy things for me as often as I did for him.

It doesn't matter whether I'm a yuppie or not but this guy is definitely not for me.

*sigh*

I miss W. If only God could let me have another boyfriend that is as good as him.

today i feel like punching someone

2006-03-19T20:54:00.000+08:00

Every 10 days or so I'll have weird cravings. The other day, I feel like eating chicken kebab. Last week, it was Indonesian cuisine at this particular restaurant that serves yummylicious asam fish and beef rendang. Last night it was McDonald's nuggets and cheeseburger. -.-

I've not been seeing S for a week now. I refused to let him do anything for me anymore. I've told him like a million times that he is simply not spending enough time with me yet he is being so fucking defensive that I find it tiring.

Yes, he's gotta work and study. And he started going on and on about how none of my friends need to work as well as study on the same time, stating that's why we have so much time to kill. He complained how I do not understand it's not easy for him yada yada. It's not our fault we're slightly more privilege having not have to work for money. Damn it. It's not my fault that I do not have to work as hard as he does for money. He doesn't spend on me anyway so I really do not understand what's his problem.

Never mind.

I'm just glad I don't have to put up with that any longer. I feel lonely there's no doubt and adjusting to single life once again can be so-not-me kind of thing but I know I had to get out.

Good thing I get to spend more time with my girls although we've been too lazy to go out. We even missed the David Jones fashion show which we've been attending religiously for the past 2 years!

I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that things will get better despite the fact I'll have to brave the shittie weather tomorrow. Bloody 37 degrees!

the red carpet edition

2006-03-06T21:34:00.000+08:00

Hurrah! It's the 78th Annual Academy Awards.

I love looking at dresses and chicks and not ogling at cute actors coz it's the only time of the year they're dressed as waiters (I'd say restaurant managers actually) rotating between the boring black Calvin Klein, Giorgio Armani, Hugo Boss, Calvin Klein and occassionally Paul Smith, Fendi and some boring restaurant manager look alike suits.

I present to you the the incomplete ultimate red carpet photos. Of chicks of course.

Let's bitch.

Was it just me or everyone else agree with me that Michelle Williams IS JUST PLAIN UGLY? Look at the make-up. Ewww... I don't know why but the girls from Dawson's Creek turned out to be ugly 10 years later. I really don't need to mention who the other one is.

The usually cute Keira Knightley looks sleepy. Vera Wang dressed both Keira and Michelle. I don't like their dresses. Not to mention the distasteful Armani dress that Zhang Ziyi wore. If you think any of these are bad, wait till you see Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Helena Bonham-Carter looks like she's just came out from Corpse Bride spotting a Kelly Osbourne hair-do. o.O

Jessica Alba is clad in gorgeous gold Versace gown, Jennifer Garner in glittery Michael Kors and Nicole Kidman in a classic Balenciaga.

I love Reese Witherspoon! Looking stunning in a vintage Christian Dior gown, I'm not surprised she won an Oscar for her performance in Walk the Line. Whee!!

I'm dying to know who designed Karolina Kurkova's dress. That, would be my favourite.

jessica simpson's syndrome

2006-03-06T14:27:00.000+08:00

I swear I'll gain 15kg in no time just like Jessica Simpson if I do not stop the way I eat soon. No, I'm not having relationship breakdown or getting a divorce. It's been a weird few days with weird cravings and excessive food binging.

I could only remember I've been eating lots of pastas, Pringles, chocolate and ice-cream. Yesterday morning I started off with mangoes and somehow after that I managed to include Pringles in as well. I actually had Pringles for breakfast!

S brought me out for a nice dinner and I just binge and binge non stop. I don't usually have entree because I wouldn't be able to finish my main course if I have them but the succulent sizzling garlic prawns are just so tempting I ended up finishing most of it and left S with nothing but some French bread and olives. The worst is yet to come, I actually finished my main course this time around. And I manage to down a glass of wine too! I don't feel exactly bloated although I do not have room for desert anymore. I'm convinced my tummy has expanded twice the size it used to be.

This morning, I started off with cereals and ended up with ice-cream and Pringles (again!) for brekkie. I really need to pad-lock the fridge!

yay! long weekend

2006-03-03T12:43:00.000+08:00

I'm so happy this coming Monday is a public holiday! But wait, not for Uni students. S is still at uni, my girls are as well so that just leaves me and my dogs celebrating.

Tomorrow is gonna be extremely hectic. I'm going in to help out at second mum's restaurant in the morning and go back later in the evening as well. Then there is lunch with S in between (I can't avoid him for some reason - God please just kill me), probably some shopping - it's gonna be window shopping this time around as I'm on a budget at the moment.

This month would be the first time in my life paying Dad my credit card debt (not exactly a debt coz he gave me the card). He didn't ask for it but I should have stopped spending my parents money a long time ago. I'm just not earning enough to fund my life at the moment. I need a boyfriend who is willing to spend on me. Desperately.

Shopping woe and money matters aside, I've been having weird cravings these days. Last night it was cheeseburger, this morning I had craving for KFC boneless chicken and I've been drooling over apple strudels from this particular shop since 2 weeks ago but I managed to suppress the feeling so far.

I've been deprived from reading lately. I miss a good book! I want to go to movies more often as well. The last one I watched, Hostel is just plain disturbing. It's the only Tarantino movie that I dislike. He's not the director though but really, no plot, excessive gruesome violence and torture - I don't need that. No one does, unless of course if you're lunatic. Or a sadist.

Anyway, it's time for me to go to bed. Goodnight and dream of moi... ;-)

tonight i have craving for cheeseburger

2006-03-02T20:51:00.000+08:00

Whenever I go to McDonalds, I only ask for 3 things:

1. 6 pieces of nuggets

2. A small fries

3. An apple pie

But I'm having craving for their cheeseburger right now!!

Badly!

I hate cravings because they absolutely drive me insane. Thank God it's just 9pm right now. At least McDonalds is still open.

i heart today's weather

2006-03-01T13:24:00.000+08:00

Before I dozed off last night, I've already planned what outfit I'll wear for the next day since I'm gonna go out to do grocery shopping.

I'm not sure it's just me or some girls do experience this as well but sometimes, I can't sleep and I got annoyed when I can't put an outfit together for the next day. My last resort would be during shower the next day where I have 15 minutes to think about it. And if it fails, it really spoils my day. Yes, I can be that naive at times.

I also have this tendency of matching my bra and panty/g-string with the outfit I'm wearing. I know no one is seeing it but it makes me feel good knowing that.

Anyway, I was so ecstatic looking out the window as I woke up this morning. It's beautiful. There is no scorching hot sun waiting to kill me. Wohoo!

I'm dressed in a black spaghetti strap topped with a short sleeve bolero over it and the shortest jeans short I could find in my wardrobe, just so because it's really much more convenient since I have to do a lot of walking. I'll have to be simple with accessories because I'm just doing grocery shopping and not some glam function hence it's just a simple pink necklace which one of my girls got me when she was in Spain. Pink because I'll be wearing my light pink Havaianas. And a pair of silver hoops earrings to team up with my silver bangle. Bag would have to be black because too much pink will make me look silly, wouldn't it?

Now that I'm not exactly talking to S so I have to eat my heart out lugging groceries by myself. But of course I'd like to look gorgeous in the process of doing so. *winks*

Have a nice day because I'm pretty sure I will!

my secret, your secret

2006-02-28T15:24:00.000+08:00

It is 36 degrees outside, how can I not feel hot? I was supposed to meet my girls for lunch at Uni but I just can't bring myself to step out the house under such weather. So here I am, staying in thinking what should I do on a freaking burning hot afternoon.

I checked in PostSecret as usual and the postcard that reads, "I'm afraid to go to the doctor because I'm afraid he will tell me that I have some awful disease and that I'm going to die young" hit me right away.

I used to feel that way when I was much younger. It's weird but I guess I was afraid of dying. Now, I'm feeling alright with the thought of it.

I've been a reader of PostSecret for quite a while now. The website used to have archives before it became popular and I'd enjoyed browsing through them, sharing the emotions that each person has gone through, be it happiness or sadness. Now, the website is only updated once a week and the archives have been removed. Not surprising because the author just published a book titled, of course, PostSecret. As much as I don't like the fact that it is commercialized, I bought the book from Amazon and I'll donate it to my local library as soon as I finish looking through it. You don't actually "read" postcards, do you?

Speaking of secrets, I've been hiding some "upsetting news" from S.

My girls dislike him.

Not just my girls but their boyfriends, one of my dogs, my sisters (although they've not met him), my housemates, almost anyone I know apart from H. But then again, we met through H so that makes H his friend as well. I'll dislike him too if I didn't know him I supposed.

Heck, I don't even know why. Sorry can't answer that question! It's not the fact what people think about S that upset me so much, it's the fact that they pointed out my inner thoughts. I honestly don't know why I'm with this guy. It's probably because the sex is good.

if you have three girls

2006-02-20T10:57:00.000+08:00

Second mum has three daughters.

Her eldest girl, N, is in her early 20s. If there is anything I noticed about her, it will be her bossiness.

"You do things this way".

"No you're wrong I tell you so you better do it this way".

Oh and she takes advantage of her parents.

So she works nearby from the restaurant. She comes in for free lunch everyday and free coffee every few hours. Not to mention she buys lunch for her colleagues and what not without paying a single cents. She probably sells it to them for discounted price and pockets the money herself.

Now why am I not surprised?

Whenever she took money for the restaurant to buy some stuff for the restaurant, she never return the change.

Supposingly your parents own a restaurant. Would really go in and eat without paying? I mean, come on, they're running a business not a charity home.

Her second girl, S, is in college. She is an angel. Everyone loves her. She is the only one that helps second mum around the house. She keeps her room neat and tidy. And to top it off, she is the best looking one among the three according to a lot of people. I reckon her youngest sis is the one prettier though.

But really, anyone with such a heart would be gorgeous.

C, the youngest girl is the princess of the family. Literally.

She doesn't lift a finger to do anything fearing her nails will chip. She is very rebellious and she is constantly spending money she did not earn and she gets whatever she wants coz second mum couldn't bear seeing her sulking and being unhappy.

Second mum found out not long ago she smokes weed as well. Don't get me wrong, I really do not have anything against people who smokes weed coz my girls do that sometimes. But at the bloody age of 16? I would just like to think this is a passing phase for her.

Or at least I hope so.

i heart myself

2006-02-17T13:56:00.001+08:00

I love my new Sergio Rossi pump heels.

*mwah* *mwah* *mwah*

I also found out that W went out for a date on Valentine's Day. Just dinner he said, nothing else. Pfft!

Whatever.

Note: For a limited time only, on special request by ChickyBabe, I present to you my baby. My camera fucked up so I have to look for the picture online instead. Honestly, the picture doesn't do them justice.

today i'm completely delirious

2006-02-16T00:15:00.000+08:00

I've been in a series of mishap since I woke up this morning.

I went down to the city for lunch with my girls and I took out my cigarettes pouch instead of coin purse to pay for the parking. T was like, "Dearie, they don't accept cigarettes as payment. This country doesn't run on barter system."

Then I almost dropped a glass of wine on the floor whilst at lunch.

I text my sis to find out how was her Valentine's and conveniently mentioned what pressies I got from S. Only to find out the sms was sent to S instead of sis. Smart woman I am.

After lunch, we decided to walk around the city since it was a beautiful day. I wanted to have sweet so I opened the new pack and those sweets dropped and scattered all over the floor.

I almost tripped off whilst going up the escalator. I was one inch away from knocking my head on the lamp post coz my eyes were looking elsewhere.

I left my phone at the restaurant but luckily one of my friends noticed.

My skirt flew up because it was windy. On a busy street. And everyone had a good view of my g-string. -_-

I'm just glad I'm safely lying on my bed now and it's almost the end of the day. Phew...

Yesterday was absolutely amazing because Love Potion 31 is finally back in town. Although I was quite pissed off at the Baskin-Robbins girl because she can't bloody pack ice-cream. Never in my entire Baskin-Robbins history I've seen such a badly packed ice-cream. Not to mention she didn't weight it as well. But I'm just too happy to take it further.

S was so proud proclaiming how he's been right all the while, that Love Potion 31 will be back on Valentine's Day but I was half-listening to him. I was enjoying my ice-cream and I just nodded and smiled at him.

And he got me pressies. Which was kind of surprise because I really don't expect anything from him. I mean of course, I love receiving pressies. I'm materialistic. But I just don't expect he would do anything of that sort.

And I mixed up which boyfriends dedicated the love message to me on the newspaper. I thought it was S until I asked him for the fifth times and he kept on saying it wasn't him. I finally believed him. Come to think of it, he is never good with words.

It was W who dedicated the message, of course. How...Err... What's that word again? I really don't know. To me, it's not a big deal. And I don't like having flowers as pressie. Not that I'm choosy but flowers are just flowers. How unmaterialistic.

Moi: I'm so sorry darling, I didn't get you anything

S: That's alright. Valentine's Day is meant to be for girls

How sweet.

That doesn't mean I'm heartless. Well, I loaned money to one of my girls just so that she could get her designer heels. She was smiling the whole afternoon.

I'll probably get their pressies later. Or maybe not because Valentine's Day is just well, flowers?

I have to share this wonderful news with everyone. Second mum is alright after the operation. She's been eating well too. I haven't got a chance to visit her yet but we did had a good talk over the phone. The breast cancer wasn't "cancerous" if I make any sense. Hurrah!

today i learn to love myself

2006-02-09T15:56:00.000+08:00

I had an argument with S a few nights ago. It was over the same old thing.

He is not spending enough time with me.

Everytime I have a fight with any of my loved ones, I'll go into the zombie state where I'd refuse to eat. Not refuse, it's more like I lose appetite to eat. I'd cry and make myself depressed.

I really don't know I'm doing this for sympathy but probably because in the past, this always worked out for me to get things my own way. W would always give in and he'd apologize even though it wasn't his fault at times. But with S, he would just leave me alone and let me sulk all I want.

So I woke up this morning and I realized if I don't start treating myself well, no one will. I don't mean not that others don't care or love me but if I bring harm to myself, it's wouldn't benefit me would it?

I really don't see the point of tormenting myself although I'm generally a dark person. All my girls are like that to a certain extent. I think it was because we find it comfortable living pessimistically.

As for S, I really don't want to think about it now. There is no point talking to him because he just wouldn't listen although he reckoned it was the other way round. I told him I would rather not see him anymore if I can't see him whenever I want.

the current affair

2006-02-07T17:05:00.000+08:00

Life has been alright to me for the past week. Apart from the fact that I found out my lady boss has breast cancer. She is like my second mum and I could only pray that it's nothing too serious. She would have to go for an operation this Thursday. It was shocking but I've been trying not to think about it too much.

Last Sunday was well spent. I was out at the city just to relax. It seemed incredibly quiet as people were flocking to the BDO somewhere away from the city. That could only mean one thing, a definite good day to shop!

I went to Kookai. I ran out of ideas what to get so I just bought a top and a belt for a friend's belated birthday. I doubt I'm actually gonna wear the top come to think about it. I've always loved their skirts though. Okay, not all the time but close to that.

The skirts from the new collection seem alright but I prefer the previous collection which of course, nothing much left and those that were there are heavily discounted. If there is one thing that I hate, it would be shopping in Kookai during sale because some of the stuff that I bought not long ago were now discounted up to 75%. Ugh...

I've been to MNG a lot. I always manage to find tops that would be able to match my skirts and pants here. MNG stuff are way much cheaper (half the price) back home but the feeling is different whenever I tried to shop there. The crowd is ridiculous because everyone can afford it and I can't find my size because girls are generally "smaller" back home.

I'm not getting S anything for Valentine's coz I think there isn't any need for it really. I just don't have the mood to shop for people these days. Not even myself. Weird! It is probably because my girls are not back yet, hence the kick is not there.

I'm still missing home a lot. I don't know when will I get over this but I really do hope it will be soon. I was so tempted to buy myself an air tix and fly back just for a few days but I doubt it's really gonna change anything. It would still be the same when I come back here.

I'm a sucker of Baskin-Robbins and it's no longer a secret given the right time, which is all the time, I can down a medium size tub in an hour.

On top of the list of my favourite flavours, it would be Love Potion 31. It's vanilla raspberry ice-cream and it's suppose to come back in store for Valentine's Day. I've been harassing Baskin-Robbins everyday asking whether the stock is in yet. I wasn't the only one. Apparently a lot of people have been asking for it.

So dear Baskin-Robbins headquarter in Sydney, LISTEN TO YOUR CUSTOMERS.

I'm beginning to lose my patience and I think it's a ridiculously stupid marketing idea to not give the customers what they want when they're demanding it. I, for one is someone who has short attention span. I usually just let go.

This waiting game is frustrating.

And I hope second mum will be fine. God, please give her the strength to go through this.

today i feel discriminated

2006-02-03T13:07:00.000+08:00

Discrimination is such a strong word that I almost never use it in any context. It just hit me out of sudden that it has been happening to me.

To start off with, when I came in to work this morning, my boss asked me to clean the bloody fridge. I do mean, literally bloody. From the red meat he puts in freezer. The freezer is not working well.

Now, in my office there are 4 admin staff including myself. I just realized that he always asked me and this other girl, D to do all the "dirty" work like washing his dishes, etc. And co-incidentally, both of us are Asians. The other two girls never touched a single cup. No, I'm not being sensitive but like i said it just hit me today after 4 months so I'm not definitely thinking too much. My boss threw away the red meat yesterday and one of the other girls were here at work.

Why can't he just fucking ask her to do it?

Among other things, I get some people (strangers, friend's friend's sister's, strangers, etc) who looks at me weirdly or make crude remark becuase I look a little fat (because Asians are generally small size so you gotta be at least size 6 to be considered thin. Size 00 is favourable). I get THAT all the time from relatives. One thing I'm glad I wasn't back home for Lunar New Year. In contrary, over here I get some people who looks at me crudely because I look thin. And there were people who made remark that I have big boobs for a "thin" person.

I love the way I look and I'm glad I have "big" boobs and extra fats. Thank you for your concern. Bless your daughters. :-)

I think I need retail therapy to distress, It's late night shopping tonight.

the woof year

2006-01-30T20:40:00.000+08:00

It's been a quiet one for me as everyone back home was excited ushering into the year of Dog. This is my first time not actually being with my family during Chinese New Year. The good food, ang pow, alcohol, yummylicious home made cookies, poker games, gossip sessions and most of all the only time to catch up with relatives and friends that I seldom see. I can't believe I'm missing all that!

During the past, I always thought that CNY is incredibly over-rated. I take back my words. Now I feel exactly what it means by the saying, home is where the heart belongs.

Since I got back, I only swiped Dad's card once for the silly amount of $12.61. Okay so I lied. I didn't take into account the alcohol and ciggies I bought at Changi. Not to mention the Bobbi Brown moisturizer and some Stila cosmetics. But that was in S$. It is different. I'm really proud of myself. I used to spend at least $1000 a month from Dad.

I don't know whether it was the realization that money is hard to earn or I'm just a little bit lost at the moment. I don't shop as much as well. I've only bought two skirts since I came back. Two.

I don't feel particularly happy either. Please pass me the prozac, thank you.

today i'm bored shitless

2006-01-22T17:50:00.000+08:00

I'm bored. I'm so fucking bored I'm ready to slap somebody.

This happen almost every Sunday.

I wanted to go out but the weather is too hot. I'm still on my hay fever medication. That means retail therapy is out of question.

I wanted to read but I've finished reading James Patterson's Mary, Mary on Friday itself. I thought I'd be able to read it over the weekend but I just simply couldn't resist it. I thought of watching DVDs but I need to get to the video store to rent it. Ugh.

My close friends are still on summer break, they're not in the country. So no girly talk, shopping, manicure, bitching sessions for at least another month.

S will be at work till late today so I won't be seeing him.

I thought of cleaning my room but it looks clean enough to go by. Hey, I'm a neat person!

My so-called diet is completely fucked up. My tummy still look big. Let me see, yesterday I've had:

- a glass of chocolate soy milk for brekkie
- rice with tandoori chicken for brunch
- rockmelon, lychees and banana for snack
- coffee and half a pack of shapes (junk food alert!) for cinema snack
- apple pie for dinner since I was pretty full from the snack I had in the cinema

I'm getting so inconsistent with my food intake that I didn't know what to eat. Well, I just had 2 glasses of alcohol an hour ago. It's unhealthy I know. -_-

Can someone please tell me what else can I do?

dangerous game

2006-01-20T11:37:00.000+08:00

This touches my heart.

This makes me laugh.

I choose not to publish links of blogs that I read everyday just so because the world is getting smaller. My world is. I can feel him being so close to me and I most definitely do not want him to discover me.

If someone who knows me in real life probes further into this space, that person will know instantly that it has been me all the while. I feel so bare...

s is for stupid seamstress

2006-01-19T17:15:00.000+08:00

Not long ago, the button from one of my favourite cardigans came off so I brought it to the tailor to be mended since I do not have the same colour thread.

I asked the seamstress if they've got the exact thread for the button and she nodded her head and answered with a very certain yes. She charged me $2 to mend a tiny button which is not a big deal really. I would even pay $10 as long as I get the same colour thread. I happily passed my cardigan to her and went on to do some shopping. Retail therapy is good for health after all.

When I came back to collect the cardigan, to my horror, the button was sewn using a different colour shade of thread. So I pointed at the mismatched thread and told her that the other lady told me they've got the exact same colour.

She replied with a cold reply, "Oh, no one will notice this anyway. I do that to my expensive clothes all the time."

I was absolutely gutted.

Just so because it is just a Kookai cheap $39 cardigan and not some expensive garment, that does not mean it's allowed to have mismatched thread no matter how insignificant it seems because I'm wearing it. I noticed it. Above all, it should be done whichever way I like it.

I vow never to go back to that place again.

the one desire

2006-01-17T14:08:00.000+08:00

Last night somewhat in between our phone conversation:

Me: So what are we doing tomorrow night?

S: I don't know yet

Me: Think of something!

S: What do you wanna do?

Me: I wanna have sex with you

today i'm on a fruit diet

2006-01-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

When the plane touched down yesterday, I almost died. The weather here is seriously killing me. Bloody 33 degrees!

I've gained weight. I think I've probably put on 2kg and I look ridiculously fat when I wear my low waist jeans with the fats hanging out like a 3 month pregnant woman.

Being the smart ass that I am not, I decided to binge on food back home. I guess no one can resist Ma's cooking, at least not me. And the sumptuous local cuisine. I've been practically eating half of the time when I was awake. I still miss durian though (I wished it is part of my current diet but durians are so costly here and they don't taste half as good). Oh well... There is no point whinging really.

I've been eating fruit the whole day, with the occassional cup of coffee and milo. I'm keeping away from ice-cream, chocolate and junk food for 2 weeks. Okay, probably not chocolate. I can never resist them but I'm definitely cutting down.

It's been a wonderful trip. I got to catch up with some of my friends which I've not seen for years. A very close friend of mine just got engaged recently. Does that means I'm getting older? I'm not admitting it. :-)

Shopping in Kuala Lumpur is brilliant as usual. The stores range from high-end Anya Hindmarch and Tod's to cheapos like Zara . I love Zara stuff! Anyway, Pa makes more noise when I shop back home although I spend way less compared to back in Aus so I didn't really buy a lot of things. Aussie Dollar is almost 3 times higher than Ringgit Malaysia. Dads are weird creatures I tell you!

I'm gonna get a good rest now. I need to look good for my date with S tomorrow night *winks*

greetings from malaysia

2005-12-29T12:16:00.000+08:00

I've arrived back home sound and safe.

Upon my arrival in the morning, I went to bed and sleep the whole day. This is what happen whenever I catch a midnight flight.

I met Pa at Changi Airport as he's flying out and I was in transit. We had a good chat over brekkie but I just couldn't concentrate. All I was thinking was my comfy princess bed back at home. Hehe.

Anyway, I gotta go now. I'm gonna go catch a movie. King Kong here I come! :-)

*Hugs*

joy on my world

2005-12-26T19:06:00.000+08:00

I know it's a little bit late but Merry Christmas, folks!

This couple of days has been a roller-coaster for me. Painful ones.

Friday Night

I had a bad headache. Went to bed at 9pm. Should have been out partying and downing heaps of Malibu. Grrr....

Saturday Daytime

Stayed on bed the whole day with Nurofen as my friend. And my soft toys as well. S, on the other hand is out by himself doing last minute shopping. We were supposed to catch King Kong together. But the best is yet to come. I rang up David Jones at 4pm to check out when the store will be opened after Christmas. There will be a huge sale on the 27th which is tomorrow. David Jones and Myer in the city will be opened at 8am!! I know sale started today on the Eastern States (Chickybabe, did you shop a lot on behalf of me?) but at least I don't have to wait till Wednesday.

Saturday Night

Went to work for a couple of hours. Came home and fell asleep almost immediately.

Sunday Daytime

Attended W's niece birthday party. It was boring. I fell asleep on his 3 year old nephew's bed. He too, fell asleep next to me.

Sunday Night

I was invited to dinner at S' uncle place. I've finally met his parents, sister and a few of his close relatives for the first time. It was weird. I don't give a damn to be honest just so because I don't have to please his parents being the son's girlfriend but I felt bad somehow. Of course I was nice to everyone.

Bottom-line, it's hard juggling between two boyfriends despite the fact one is on another continent and doesn't know the existence of the other.

And yes, I did get a Furla as pressie. As well as a pair of earrings and a box of chocolates. S can be such a darling sometimes. I wish everyday is Christmas now. He loves the shirt and belt I got him.

Yay! It's more shopping tomorrow and I'm flying home to see Papa, Mami and my devilish sisters tomorrow midnight.

Happy Holidays people! Have extra Malibu for moi. And of course, shop twice the amount on behalf of me.

today i'm tired of shopping

2005-12-21T01:18:00.000+08:00

Really. It's true. I do feel that way.

I've been practically out almost everyday to the shops (where else?). Of course I have more time off work now since Christmas is just around the corner.

But there isn't anything to buy.

I walked into Kookai. I walked out after 5 minutes. Boring skirts going on for $149. I have a few of similar designs, new ones lying in my wardrobe (the material and designs don't really change. It gets boring after a while).

I walked into Witchery. I walked out before I even browse anything. I'm too short to wear anything from Witchery. And they have plain colours. White. Brown. Grey, Pale purple. Pale pink.

Then there is Country Road. Too old for me! But they've got nice menswear and home stuff.

I'm desperately looking for a pair of heels. Preferably black. I couldn't find anything that I like. Those that I've seen are just alright. Why are shoes from Nine West so over-priced? And why are kids clothing so expensive? I love Pumpkin Patch though. They're reasonable.

I love David Jones. I love David Jones and I adore David Jones. Just so because I get to stand there for an hour deciding which OneTeaspoon top to get for sis and ended up getting her a top from Wheels & Dollbaby instead.

I've always prefer Myer over David Jones for some strange reasons but lately, I seem to find that place boring and the clothes don't really appeal to me. I'm intrigued by this brand named Review. I like it but I've never try on any of those clothes. Somehow it just seems so not me.

I don't buy clothes from Target. No matter how cheap they are. They're not exactly cheap by the way. If it's Target United States then it's different because Isaac Mizrahi designs the woman collection the last time I heard. If only they import his stuff. Or copy his stuff. Since it's Target anyway but no, dream on.

I don't even know what to get for S. I've only managed to get him a Morrissey long-sleeve shirt which I fell in love instantly when I walked into the store (damn, why I don't have that mutual feelings with shoes??!?). Anyway, I was thinking of teaming that shirt up with something else just so that it doesn't look like just a shirt as pressie. I fell in love with a Hugo Boss tie but I doubt he will wear it very often. I know my mind works weirdly. I got him perfume and some after-shave kit for his birthday not long ago and I seriously ran out of ideas now. Come to think about it, that Morrissey will do, won't it?

I need to buy a pressie for T, a very close girlfriend of mine. Would anyone kindly give me some ideas?

Does anyone know if those MOR body butters are any good? They smell nice to me for sure! I love the Marshmallow ones.

On an unrelated note, I wanna watch King Kong. I've been waiting since last week but S is too busy to accompany me and I don't wanna watch it without waiting for him. I'm catching the first instalment of The Chronicles Narnia with him this coming Thursday though. I can't wait!

of shopping and boyfriend

2005-12-18T16:48:00.000+08:00

Tip number 101 for guys out there:

Never ever buy your girlfriend's pressie in front of her (not literally) and then come up with excuses like:

Useless excuse no. 1

Me: What was that you're holding on your hand? What did you get from David Jones?

Him: Oh... Something for my dad

Me: I thought you got his pressie last week? And I helped you to pick it, remember?

Stupid excuse no. 2

Me: Show it to me, will you?

Him: No, I can't

Me: Why not? It's for me isn't it?

Him: It's not for you

Me: Then there is no problem showing it to me is there?

Him: I stole it from one of the lady in the store and this is not the right place to open it

Me: Then she wouldn't suspected it if I open it right?

Him: (speechless)

Equally idiotic excuse no. 3

Me: Okay, this is not funny. If it's for me, just admit it and I won't touch it or ask about it anymore

Him: For the millionth time, it is NOT for you

Me: THEN SHOW IT TO ME

Him: This person I'm giving to has a phobia of people looking at his present. And he would know if the present has been looked at. I didn't know how he could tell but he just does

Me: (Silently cursing WTF) Yeah right. I know what it is. It's a bag and it's for me. It's a Furla to be precise and if I get that bag for Christmas, you have to give me $200 on top of it because I well damn know I'm right

Him: It's not for you

Me: It's a bag, right?

Him: No it's not!

Me: Whatever

Absolutely rubbish no-more-excuses-yet-in-denial excuse no. 4

Me: Remember, you said it's not a bag earlier so if it turns to be, I'm getting my $200

Him: I didn't say it wasn't a bag. I said it wasn't for you

Me: (smirking over the phone)

woe is me

2005-12-14T13:58:00.000+08:00

I can't believe this!

I woke up just in time to place the final bid for one of the bags I've been eyeing on E-bay. I looked at the status and it indicated that there are 4 minutes left before the auction ends.

So I happily key in the amount and waited. It was going at $135 and I'm willing to pay up to $200 for that gorgeous black tote. Out of a sudden, the fucking internet connection dropped. Suffice to say, I didn't win the auction because I didn't get a chance to bid for it thanks to my fucking internet connection. ARGH! Of all time!

And now the internet is working perfectly well. Faster than usual! I can't believe the lucky devil who got away buying that tote for $135. What a bargain. Needless to say, it spoilt my whole morning.

I need to chill. I'm going down to the city to grab some wrapping papers and ribbons to help S wrap pressies.

Chill, chica. Chill. It will be alright. There is always next time.

Chill...

ARGHHH!!!

shopping is a pain, for once

2005-12-11T19:33:00.000+08:00

I deserved to be in bed the whole day today because I didn't get a good sleep on Friday night. S stayed over for the first time and I'm just not used to having someone else sleeping next to me. I was down with flu and it was annoying me so I could barely sleep. We had to be up fairly early (read:8am) because he wanted me to go Christmas shopping with him.

It was a nightmare really. Except that this happened on a daytime. Let me re-iterate. Shopping with S is a nightmare. On a few separate occassions in the span of six hours:

Me: Get lipgloss for sis. Lancome juicy tubes are alright I supposed

S: Too expensive. What about a purse?

Me: Wouldn't that be more expensive?

S: You're right. But let's get her a purse

Me: WTF!

At the handbags department.

S: Pick one

I randomly pointed at a DKNY monogram canary color purse.

Me: That looks nice

S: $119. Too expensive

Me: You just bought a $400 PSP for yourself, $119 is nothing right?

S: But this is for my sister. And she hates me. She won't like whatever I buy

Me: You don't want to buy something for the sake of buying it. You would want her to love it and actually use it instead of dumping aside in 'crappy-pressies-I-would-rather-die-than-use-these-section'. If you don't know what to buy, get her a voucher from David Jones perhaps?

S: But I want people to think I'm thoughtful rather than just giving a gift voucher and ask them to get whatever they want

Me: I'd love a gift voucher better than anything pressies that I might not like

S: Okay, I'll buy her those lipgloss

Me: ?!?!!!

At the perfume store picking some pressies for his female cousins. We were staring at some miniatures with cute packagings.

S: Help me pick something for them

Me: How old are they?

S: 16 and 19

Me: Try that Lolita Lempicka, it has cute packaging with purple-ish fake flowers. It smells nice too. I love the packaging, very feminine

S: Okay, get that and 'Sicily' by Dolce and Gabbana

I stared at that boring bottle shape of 'Sicily' and thought, it looks a bit grandma-ish. Nevertheless, I asked the salesgirl to give me a tester. I'm right, it smells really grandma-ish. No offence to people who love D & G perfumes, I'm just never a fan of them. I understand that different people have different taste but seriously, 'Sicily' smells too old for a 19 year old let alone a 16 year old.

Me: Sweetheart, Emily is 16, not 61. Let me pick something else alright

S: How would I know? That 'Sicily' looks nice

Me: You gotta be kidding me. The packaging is conservative and boring. You have such a bad taste, sweetie

At the end, the salesgirl and I picked a lovely light hearted summer perfume, 'D'Ete' by Kenzo gift set for Emily.

It was so exasperating putting up with S that it's not funny. When I stopped to look at my stuff, he was all upset just because I didn't inform him. I'm not a 3 years old girl, I can take care of myself and there is always something called mobile phone that comes in handy if you 'lost' someone in the crowd.

I told him I'm never ever going shopping with him again. He is persuading me to change my mind as his Christmas shopping is not done yet and he promised he'll be good this time. Hah! (We'll see about that but I don't trust him).

*Sigh*

here and back again

2005-12-04T22:21:00.000+08:00

It feel as though I've just stopped blogging last week when in fact it's been about 7 weeks! :-D

I'm such a lazy bum. I'm still very much alive and life has been as twisted as ever.

W came back for a 2 week holidays sometime ago. We kissed, we held hands, we teased each other like small kiddos, we're in fact still very much together. But we did not have sex. Just how weird is that I find myself no longer attracted to him the way I used to. Yet, why do I still hold onto this relationship? And how peculiar that deep down inside me, there is a little voice that keeps on reminding me, somehow, I'll ended up marrying this guy. Goodness, NO!

Another thing that I found really disturbing is the fact that both of us are so comfortable and getting used to life without each other for the past 8 months that we have different prorities. He only got me a bouquet of flowers for birthday and I was waiting and waiting...and waiting for my pressie but it never came. Cheap ass bastard. So in return, I got him nothing for his birthday. :-)
I know I'm supposed to be independant now but do bear in mind that I've always been his princess. And I did so much shopping for him whilst he was here. He, on the other hand splurged on himself. Well, it's probably karma for cheating on him. I accepted that.

S has been lovely on the other hand, we've been so much closer compared to before and I'm afraid it's turning into more than sex. It has always been for me since I'm an emotional wreck (sort of) but he seems to be much more attached to me. It's been a good 9 months yet I can't make up my mind. I'm just waiting for someone to find out and tell W that I've been cheating on him. Karma will find its way back to me, mark my words.

Oh, and I've just bid on a tote bag on e-bay and I regretted instantly. I'm praying that someone would outbid me but otherwise, I guess I'll just buy the bag. It isn't that bad. I'll just be $200 poorer (and it's probably a fake too, who knows!). This is probably one of the silliest mistakes I've ever make when it comes to shopping.

I just hope good things will come my way soon. Can't wait for the holidays to begin! I have a very strong feeling that I'll be getting the Ferragamo flats as Christmas pressie. *winks*

musing and rambling

2005-10-04T22:18:00.000+08:00

The word that I've been using a lot lately is tired. I'm extremely exhausted from work. Hey, I have not only one but two jobs now. :-)

I know I've been missing (sort of) without any notice. I'm not sure whether people still drop by every now and then to check out this space but anyway, I guess I need to write. Whinging would be the more precise word. After all, I'm not a writer. I'm a drama queen.

Well, my birthday came and went without anything special. I worked from 8-12am. Yep, that was about 16 hours straight. I was waiting for S to call the whole day but he did not. We had an argument a couple of days before hand and I told him I don't wanna see him ever again. He took that seriously coz he reckoned I said it too often and he started believing it (Guys...I give up on them). See, that was how pride killed me. It made me extremely unhappy. On the other hand, I am his girlfriend (sort of). It still doesn't justified the fact that he didn't contact me on my birthday. We had argument about that too.

Of course, we made up and make out after a few days of shouting and silence over the phone. And we live happily ever after...

Not. Yet.

I'm still waiting for my post birthday pampering. I told him that. I want a birthday cake, pressies, lots of hugs and kisses (read: sex) and he's supposed to make up to me. I'm still waiting for that coz he's currently having exams. It better be good.

I've been splurging so much lately. I got some cosmetics from Stila among other things. I just realized they're helluva expensive here. The price of an eye-shadow here costs thrice the price back home. And I totally forgot about E-bay. Stila cosmetics are way cheaper in the States even with the shipping costs included. Oh, and my baby gorgeous pretty shoes arrived on time in excellent condition but it was half a size too small for me. I can never understand the sizing in States.

I splurged on S too. It was my first time buying clothes for him and I am just glad he loves them. Maybe he pretended that he did but I reckon I'm just thinking too much. By right, it should be the other way round.

So I shall wait for my fairytale post-birthday.

ghost of the past

2005-09-21T22:55:00.000+08:00

It's been exactly one year since Ell left. I remembered it better than anyone else because it was on my birthday.

For some fucking reasons, I have not had a happy birthday celebration for the past two years because I was hurt emotionally by people whom I've came to love so much. These individuals that I actually see myself being with for the rest of my life. Not that it matters much because birthday is just like any other day. However, I deserve to be pampered at the very least.

I hate S for bringing back the memories I tried so hard to forget. I've been hurt back then and I just can't believe I allowed him to do this to me now. All I ever wanted was for him to care for me just a little bit more. Using tiredness and not having enough time as excuses are totally ancient by now. I've heard that too many times.

Why does it seems I'm the only one compromising here?

e-bay e-diot

2005-09-13T01:41:00.000+08:00

That stupid e-bay seller has not reply my e-mail and the auction for the pretty shoes (in time for spring!) I am gonna bid for will end in 3 hours. There are a few things which I need to know before buying those shoes.

Just don't sell stuff if you have no intention of seeing the sales go through.

Wasting my precious time.

This is breaking my heart too.

The shoes that could have been mine!! Ugh... *pouts*

UPDATE: The seller replied after the auction has ended. Anyway, I've sealed the transaction off e-bay as I wanted those shoes badly although it's not recommended to do so. Let's just see if my baby arrives next week. *beams*

karma is a bitch sometimes

2005-09-07T00:26:00.000+08:00

S has been rather moody these days. He's been complaining, swearing (not at me) and whatever that came out from his mouth just frustrates me.

I know he's been busy working and studying full-time, he hardly gets any sleep and I do appreciate it when he tries to make time to see me. What I do not appreciate is when he's venting out his frustrations at me. This happened twice in a row on a different day I went out with him. When he realized I wasn't too happy being treated that way, he apologized. As though that's really gonna make up for what I have to put up with the entire evening. No, it takes more than just saying sorry...

Karma is probably biting me back for what I did but enough is enough.

I'm gonna go do some reading and watch DVDs. Oh, and those yummylicious chocolates are waiting for me. I don't care if the chocolates are gonna make me sicker but I need to cure my depression first.

tis the season to sparkle

2005-09-05T18:32:00.000+08:00

It is spring!

And I'm sick. It's been 5 days now.

It's the wrong time to fall sick especially when I have a whole lot of chocolates lying around. They look extremely yummylicious when I can't eat them.

I've got a casual job and I'm still waiting to hear from this company who owns one of the largest supermarkets chain. There's a high chance that I won't get the job because I reckon I did so badly during the second interview but I'm not too worry about it because even if I do get the job, I've no idea how am I going to get myself into fashion retail. It's like a dead end. Okay, I'm being picky but let's just see how things go.

So when I'm sick, and can't really do anything about it, the best cure is of course, retail therapy! I've not been shopping for a month now.

One month.

Can anyone believe THAT? I can't believe that either!

Anyway, I only had an hour to shop by the time I get there and Pa said I can get whatever I want for my birthday as long as it's reasonable. And snap. I bought a sunglasses in 10 minutes. My fourth one in 3 years.

I absolutely adore the new collection of Ferragamo's Audrey ballerina-like flats. Yes, it's named after Audrey Hepburn. Just so because Salvatore Ferragamo designed the shoes for her. The shape of the shoe remained unchanged in the past 50 years (It's one of their best selling designs). The last Audrey collection was in suede. I didn't like both the material and the colours they have in store. But this time around, they've got pink colour!

So should I splurge $625 on it or do I wait till sale when it will drop to $380?

crossroads

2005-08-23T02:50:00.000+08:00

Conversation 1

B: So when W is here for a visit, S will be going away for a little 'holiday'?

Me: *sigh*

Conversation 2

Me: Yay!! My birthday is coming up. And the European guy's birthday is just a few days before mine so we're gonna have a big party!

S: I don't think I can come then

Me: Why not, sweetie?

S: You know, he will be here. But anyway, **the decision is yours.

Me: *sigh*

**The decision here denotes who do I choose to be with. Time is running out.

a letter to papa

2005-08-20T00:02:00.000+08:00

Dearest Papa,

All these years that I've been away from home, away from you, makes me realized that I do indeed miss you.

Since I was a baby girl, you taught me to be strong and wise, never be afraid to admit my own mistakes and more importantly, never give up easily no matter how many times I fall.

After finding out that you had someone else in your life, I was broken and disappointed. Don't me and sisters meant anything to you at all? What about Ma? I was upset at the fact that you cheated on us.

Nevertheless, the time I spent away from home makes me acknowledged that no matter how much I disliked you from then on, no matter how upset or angry I was at you, deep down within my heart, I've always loved you...I still do.

You have loved me unconditionally, you've been supporting me all these while. You let me make my own decisions on my future. You never yell at me when I over-swiped the card.

Maybe I can never comprehend what you've done but I think I'll regret if I do not learn to forgive and let go of this bitterness in me as I only have one dad. The love and care that you shower us with, they are real aren't they?

Papa, if only I have the courage to tell you these 3 little words before it's too late. I just want you to know that I love you....

today i'm a housewife - part three

2005-08-19T16:08:00.000+08:00

So I've cooked and cleaned.

Now I'm doing grocery shopping for S as well. Don't get me wrong, I do actually enjoy it.

It is a headache because he eats relatively healthy stuff like salad, fruits, yoghurt and what not. The only salad I take is the one I make my own. I hate vegetables with passion apart from broccoli, cabbage, carrot and cauliflower. The only yoghurt I take is the new watermelon flavoured ones. And those chocolate flavoured ones as well. Wait. Those aren't exactly yoghurt.

He reckons I don't eat proper meals. This is coming from someone who smokes twice the amount of cigarettes than I do and drinks every weekend.

So everytime I do grocery shopping for him, I have to buy something that contains chocolate in it. I know it wasn't for me but my mind keeps on nudging me with the fact that a little bit of chocolates is healthy for him. A lot of people say chocolates make people gain weight although me personally think otherwise. I eat chocolate almost everyday and my body is still the same way it was 7 years ago. But if what they said is true, then bingo! S is too skinny anyway.

Nevertheless, at the end of the day, he still gets his favourite juice, cereals, snacks and fruits. Isn't he a lucky guy?

he ain't kidding

2005-08-18T01:11:00.000+08:00

S came over to see me earlier. As he walked into the house, I kissed him and asked cheerily...

Me: Do you want some rollies? It belongs to the European guy

S: It's alright, I've got my own cigarettes

Me: What about some weed? (Of course I jokingly asked him that. Those weed doesn't even belong to me in the first place.)

S: What did you say? Did I hear correctly? Weed?

Me: *pointing at the pack of weed on the table* Yep, it belongs to the European guy as well

S: What's the druggie doing, living with you under the same roof?

Me: I don't take weed, sweetie. Don't call him a druggie just so because he smokes them!!!

S: Good girl, I've tried that a couple of times but that was long time ago and it's not good for you so don't even think about it

Me: Well, my closest friends smoke weed occassionally. T does. M as well. As for myself, I'm just never interested in it

S: *glaring at innocent chica* Are you thinking of trying it?

Me: Nope

S: Good, keep it that way. Remember, don't get near that stuff

Whether S was being over-protective or caring I really don't know. All I know is I've never seen the other side of him before. That, makes me feel loved.

But then again, he doesn't call me pumpkin, baby, honey or any other pet names couples call each other. This, makes me feel unloved.

new place new beginning

2005-08-17T15:08:00.000+08:00

I've finally moved in to my new pad. Whee!!!

However, there are just so many things to unpack, my current bedroom is much smaller and I have problems deciding what to put in my room as I can't possibly fit all my stuff in like previously. It is a hassle to move house. It's a bigger hassle to pack and then unpack again.

My girlfriend, Y and his boyfriend, B dislike the 21 year-old dude. Let's name him 21. Y & B reckon 21 has not been washing his clothes for the past 4 weeks and probably showers once every 3 days. B also can't stand the fact that 21 brags about his work and studies which all of them suspect, are non-existance.

Me and the European guy on the other hand were not really bothered by 21. Whenever he talks, we just listen without agreeing or disagreeing. It doesn't bother me all that much because unlike the idiotic ex-housemate of mine, he is not rude and he doesn't make crude remarks about people. He is definitely not arrogant for sure.

The European guy will be cooking dinner for us this weekend. He made yummylicious Goulash the other day and I finished everything off. I can't wait to see (and taste) what's he gonna cook next.

was it something he didn't say

2005-08-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

Is it really hard for him to say these 3 words...

I love you.

absolut disappointment

2005-08-13T02:57:00.000+08:00

Me: Gee... Finally I'm getting my boots back. I don't think I'll wear it anymore though

S: Why not? Why bother getting it fixed when you're not gonna wear it?

Me: Excuse moi? You offered to get it fixed for me. That was about five weeks ago. Spring will be here in two weeks. So my boots has been sitting in your room for the past four weeks and six days doing nothing

S: I just forgot about it!

Me: Whatever

I really don't understand him sometimes. I've told him a lot of time that it's perfectly alright for me to do it myself since he's busy with studies and work but he insisted that he'd do it for me. He just forgets about it until I 'threatened' him by saying "If I can't get my boots back by Friday, just forget about it. I don't want it anymore. You do whatever you want with it. I give up."

He slipped down and pulled his leg's muscle when he was out with his mates earlier. It hurts him when he moves around too much. He was even having difficulty sitting down. Of course my heart aches when I see him in that condition.

Me: Well, you should consult your sis, she is a physiotherapist isn't she?

S: She asked me to go to the doctor

Me: Go see doctor tomorrow then, sweetie

S: What a doctor can do? He would just ask me to go for an X-ray and I don't have time for that

Me: But if it hurts, there is obviously something wrong with it. I don't think you can help me to move my stuff tomorrow

S: Yeah, I don't think I'd be able to help you move

Me: It's okay, I'll figure out. I'll get someone else to help me

S: I hate to say no after I've promised you but obviously I can't since I am injured. Also, you told me that you do not need my help earlier and I've made other plans

Me: I understand, look at you...You can't even walk properly

I was a bit confused with the other plans part. I hope he didn't mean what I think it is.

Me: So, what are your plans for tomorrow?

I was hoping that he will say something like, "I'm gonna see doctor and take a rest" but instead...

S: Since tomorrow is my only day off, I'm gonna get a hair-cut...

I was baffled. Shouldn't he be resting at home? Never mind, give him the benefit of doubt.

S: I'm going over to my parents' in the morning...

What? You can still drive in that condition?

S: It is A's birthday tomorrow so I'm gonna go over to his place in the arvo, we're gonna drink and play cards

Me: Oh... Have fun then

I turned away from him.

S: Are you going to sleep now?

Me: Yes

He kissed me on my lips and I refused to react. I just stared at him. He planted a kiss on my forehead before leaving.

I'm absolutely disappointed with him.

I'm extremely upset.

If the pain is really that bad, shouldn't he be resting at home instead? I could almost imagine how he had all this planned out in the first place.

Silly me.

Maybe I should give up on him too...

achtung...beware

2005-08-12T00:43:00.000+08:00

Judging from the amount of the word fucking that surfaced on my earlier post, I sure was pissed off.

I've been avoiding that fuc...Never mind. It's not worth it to get upset over such people.

Patience pays off. Patience, my dear...

Two more days and I'm out of this place. I know I'm going to miss my brother and the rest of my housemates but I really can't wait to get away.

Thanks to everyone for your comforting words. That, really meant a lot to me.

unhappy i am

2005-08-11T02:32:00.000+08:00

I was going to write something about my housewife 'adventure' until the fucking moronic housemate of mine came out from his room and made some stupid remarks.

I started having problems with him (and his ever so God-ly opinions on life, people and cultures in general) after I moved in for a month or so.

I really don't know what the idiot's problem is.

He thinks that he's good looking.

He is not even close to being average.

He thinks that he is smart just so because he is studying Engineering. He reckons not just anyone can study Engineering, whereas everyone can do a business degree.

He flunked his paper and I am secretly rejoicing. Not so smart after all eh?

He thinks he has elegant taste in fashion.

Yes, the $150 Armani Exchange snake skin print shirt will go out of fashion in no time. That, is far from elegant. And no, French Connection does not specialized in designing elegant wear. You're shopping at the wrong place all together. More importantly, elegance is how you portray yourself.

He thinks I shouldn't wear make-up because I looked 'over-dressed'.

When everyone else commended I look good and you're the only one saying I've over-done it, I suggest you get your eyes check. And who are you to judge me in the first place? You are NOT my friend to begin with.

He made a comment that I should do some exercise. His exact words were, "If me, I wouldn't hire (in reference to my job hunting) a girl that is not fit. Look at you..."

Excuse me, I love the way I am. I really pity the girl who would someday become your girlfriend. Once again, you have NO right to judge me. Yes, you fucking retard! Maybe that's why you do not have a girlfriend at all.

I'm too tired to even start writing about his disgrunted opinions on people from other cultures.

To sum it up, my main reason of moving out is because he tried to grab and kiss me once. Of course, I managed to free myself from him. Although he apologized and promised that he would never do it again, I don't trust him. I never trusted him in the first place. Fucking pervert!

today i'm a housewife - part two

2005-08-10T16:16:00.000+08:00

Cooking has never been my passion. I kid you not, I would rather pay to get my food and good service than slaving my ass in the kitchen.

Okay, let me re-iterate. Cooking isn't so bad. The cleaning part is!

For the past few days, I've been in the kitchen, be it cooking some stuff, baking cakes or making sushi.

W comes from a very traditional Chinese family. His mum reckons that all girls should know how to cook and clean. That's her interpretation of a good wife. To me, great sex, lots of compromise and respect is what a good wife makes. When I first came to Aus, I lived with them for a period of time. There was once she showed me how to clean a whole chicken and I went...

Me: *pointing at the chicken* Eww... This is horrendous

Not-my-mum: Yeah, you would have to learn how to do this. Otherwise, how can you cook?

Me: Huh? I'd just get myself a husband who knows how to cook. And clean of course!

Not-my-mum: WHAT? Please, no guys will actually do this kind of work. They never go into the kitchen

I was thinking to myself, let's not compare us to people from different culture but where I came from, there are guys in my family that cooks. My late Uncle L is an excellent cook. So does a few others. Of course I didn't tell W mummy dearest that. We really just don't get along. I mean, excuse me? My mum doesn't even do this to me!

Okay, I better get back to my cooking. Am slicing the chicken breast half-way. Why would people make their life difficult just so because it's cheaper to buy a whole chicken?

today i'm a housewife

2005-08-08T18:42:00.000+08:00

Last night S came over to bring me out for dinner. He was staring at the dining and kitchen area before continuing...

S: I think you need to give your floor a clean

Me: *rolls eyes* I don't have to do this kind of things back home. I guess I would have to now

I looked up at S mischeviously and flashed him the most innocent face of mine.

Me: So sweetie, will you help me clean the floor tomorrow?

S: Well...I would if I'm here when you're cleaning it but I won't be here tomorrow so I can't

So my innocent face didn't work on him. He can be really smart in getting away from stuff he doesn't want to do.

I did clean the floor this arvo. All by myself. And I'm extremely proud of it. I text S saying, "Damn, I feel so housewife now!"

what she says...

2005-08-07T02:43:00.000+08:00

M: I would rather you're together with Ell actually

Me: Hmm?

M: And I would rather to have you be with W than S, I think

Wouldn't it be nice to have all three of them?

*sigh*

three guys and a girl

2005-08-03T16:17:00.000+08:00

I was on the phone with a girlfriend of mine the other day.

Me: So have you rented out the rooms in your place yet?

Girlfriend: Yep to two guys. It is just amazing how fast you can get people through advertising.

Her family has got a new place so they're renting out the old one as her boyfriend, B is the only one staying there right now.

Me: So at least there are people in the house to keep B company. *evil laughter* And who are these dudes? Are they cute?

Girlfriend: Oh, the European guy is but he has a girlfriend. The other dude is too young for you sweetie. He is 21. He's a little immature. You know, guys that age...

I instantly lit up.

Me: I think I'll drop B a visit soon. You know to catch up and stuff

Girlfriend knowing what my real intention was, broke down laughing.

Me: Like really, he's just got a girlfriend, not like he's married. As for the other dude, who says a 21-year-old guy is too young for me? I'm still young. Young at heart (Okay, so I lied. I feel really old sometimes)

Girlfriend: Yeah, whatever you say. HAHAHA

Fast forward one month later and here I am, moving in with them. It was also due to the never-ending problems I have with my current place.

I can have a real good perve (quoting ChickyBabe ) now.

Of course I don't plan to snatch anyone boyfriend or dating a guy that young but it's a really good change of environment. Who wouldn't wanna live with three hot looking guys?

I can't bear the thought of packing and unpacking my junks again but I'll worry about that later.

sinfully tempting

2005-07-31T17:21:00.000+08:00

For some reason, probably because of boredom and stress from job hunting, I've been renting movies from the local video store almost everyday.

It's unproductive.

It's a waste of money.

I don't know what's with the sudden fascination on movies lately. It must be S. I've not been seeing him lately and I substituted him with watching movies. His favourite past-time.

Now I wonder whether he has picked up retail therapy.

I don't know what's wrong with me, I just can't seem to keep him off my mind.

Oh, and I love Sin City. It is devilish. In a good way. Like a piece of Godiva dark chocolate.

A side note to the person I've been faithfully stealing internet connection from, welcome back. I've missed you so much. *mwah* *mwah* *mwah*

in vogue with joblessness

2005-07-27T16:46:00.000+08:00

So here I am again, worrying about the same thing. Same old thing. I'm jobless and I so desperately needed one right now.

Okay I admit I've been cruising by the first few months doing nothing but shopping and spending money, without actually really looking for a job. Then I realized it wasn't as easy as I thought, when I did actually started to look for one.

I just don't understand this whole thing revolving around experience and connections. I do not have any retail experience but don't we all need to start somewhere? And connections, I don't even want to start.

I really don't want to go back home just yet. I'm not ready to give up the very thing I held strongly to when I first left home.

The taste of freedom...

of albus dumbledore and sickness

2005-07-23T23:16:00.000+08:00

I've been confined to the bed for the past one week. I caught my bro's cough virus and somehow I managed to develop fever, cold and flu in the process.

As though that wasn't bad enough, I've now lost my appetite and I feel like vomiting everytime I start coughing. Damn it!

I've only had Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince on pdf file to accompany me. No, I didn't like it. I think it was the crappiest Harry Potter book J.K. Rowling ever written. The story-line stopped rather abruptly I reckon. That's what happened when a series becomes too commercialized.

I think I need to get back to bed. The migraine is hitting again.

dear ell

2005-07-10T17:03:00.000+08:00

Hi chica! Nice to hear from ya! Well, thankfully none of my family were hurt in those bombs. Thank you for thinking about me & my family during this time. You're a very thoughtful & caring person, chica. I really appreciate it :-).

Hope life is good for you at the moment...Are you up to much? Well drop me a line to let me know how you are. I often wonder what you're up to & how you're getting on with stuff.

C ya. luv, ell

All those months I've been waiting for your reply, you didn't bother to write back. I'm glad that you are alright. I do admit that I still care for you but that's that.

Stop pretending that everything is alright between us after you disappeared from my life just like that.

Stop patronizing me this way. It is unfair for me.

You made it seems harder for me to believe that you have actually once loved me.

You have hurt me once, I will not allow you to do it again.

say a little prayer

2005-07-07T23:57:00.000+08:00

A few hours ago, I was glued to the TV watching the heart-breaking news of the London attack. The first thing that hit my mind was...

Ell.

Whilst I've never believe in God, I prayed silently to the heaven above that he is safe. I was disturbed. I was scared and I wish I could be there. The fact that he has walked out of my life did not hindered me from worrying about his safety.

I'm just loss for words right now.

I can only hope...

the one with the silent treatment

2005-07-03T14:33:00.000+08:00

S: Now would you please tell me what is wrong?

Me: *stares blankly passed him and shakes my head*

S: Nothing's wrong?

Me: *shakes head*

S: Then why you went quiet out of a sudden? I'm not blind, I'm not stupid. Something is wrong. And if you don't tell me, what else can I do?

Me: Don't do anything then

*stomped off*

I refused to reply his text messages the next day. I think he sent more text to me on that day itself than any other week put together. Honestly speaking, it felt good. It's a payback for what he did.

I was surprised to see him being so frustrated over my silent treatment. Or maybe he was just trying to make me feel guilty but either way, I started talking to him again. I'm not that unreasonable as a person.

I have to admit I am absolutely pleased to see him getting frustrated. He suspected that as well but of course I denied it, as always.

short break

2005-07-01T16:25:00.000+08:00

Don't ask me about the new layout. This is the best I could find after surfing through blogskins for God knows how long. Hopefully, I'd be able to get the old one running as soon as possible.

I'm gonna be putting a night-cap over at S' place tonight. Yeah, we made up and revenge is sweet, I can almost taste it on my lips. Will update soon and have a great weekend, peeps!

this holiday season - part two

2005-06-29T14:32:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it. Everyone is gone.

Sydney, Melbourne, Kuala Lumpur, Singapore, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Los Angeles.

Last night, bro rang me from the airport, which sort of saved my night just so because I was giving S silent treatment, the cold war I've declared upon him which he wasn't aware of.

Bro: Where are you?

Me: On my way back home from S' place

Bro: Ah... I need your help. Can you check whether my room's door is locked from the toilet?

Me: Huh? What do you need now?

Bro: Oh, I left my small bolster and I want you to pass it to T so that she can bring over to Sydney for me. Hehehe

Me: WHAT? BOLSTER? You're such a baby! God, okay. I'll try to look for it.

I swear his room looked like a big trash. Piles of clothes lying everywhere on the floor, on the bed, on the cupboard, on the chair, on the computer desk. This comes from someone who has more clothes than I do so you can imagine. Papers, porn stash, dvds, rubbish, etc. I have headache just by looking at his room.

T is leaving for Sydney this arvo, she'd be the last one among my friends to leave. So everyone is going away on a holiday of some sort and here I am, stuck in the town. T reckoned I can choose to go back home, which I won't coz I was back home last month. Or go to Munich to visit A, which I can't afford coz I have no money right now.

Now that I'm not talking to S for the moment, I have absolutely no one to hang out with. I just decided to get upset at him over some mundane stuff which I find ridiculous myself but hey, I'm a woman hence I'm allowed to do that. Okay, so it was my fault I admit. But I'm not going to give in that easily in front of him.

Oh well, whatever.

this holiday season

2005-06-27T01:02:00.000+08:00

My girls will be out of the country for at least 3 weeks.

My bro will be away for 2 weeks.

The usual people I hang out with will be out of town.

I'm glad at least S is around. He's planning to bring me for a short vacation somewhere.

On an unrelated note, I really hope to land a job as soon as possible so I can have money to spend. The thought of living without retail therapy - it is torturing me deep inside.

the one with the movies

2005-06-19T15:32:00.000+08:00

My all time favourite movies are:

- Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)
- Dead Poets Society (1989)
- Kill Bill 1 (2003) & 2 (2004)
- Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001, 2002, 2003)
- Mystic River (2003)
- The Silence of The Lamb (1991)

I wouldn't mind:

- Black Hawk Down (2001)
- Good Will Hunting (1997)
- Finding Forrester (2000)
- Hide and Seek (2005)
- Hotel Rwanda (2004)
- Life is Beautiful / La Vita e Bella (1998)
- Man on Fire (2004)
- My Fair Lady (1964)
- Pulp Fiction (1994)
- Schindler's List (1993)
- The Emperor's Club (2002)
- The Godfather (1972)
- The Last Samurai (2003)
- The Pianist (2002)
- The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
- The Village (2004)
- Troy (2004)

I'm not a big fan of Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Russell Crowe and Nicole Kidman. In fact I think Nicole Kidman can't act. She's more of a celebrity than an actress. The only movie of hers which I find passable is The Other (2001).

I think Denzel Washington should be the main star of War of the Worlds (2005) rather than Tom Cruise. He and Dakota Fanning have such a brilliant partnership in Man on Fire (2004).

I don't like Natalie Portman.

I think Orlando Bloom is just a pretty face.

And Angelina Jolie is HOT!

I reckon Adam Sandler is just trying too hard to be funny (same with Ashton Kutcher), unlike Vince Vaughn who in my opinion, is a natural joker (he has this mean-jerky look which I couldn't help laughing at the way he looks).

I think Anthony Hopkins, Audrey Hepburn, Denzel Washington, Sean Penn and Tim Robbins are remarkable actors. Quentin Tarantino, Steven Spielberg and M. Night Shyamalan are my favourite directors.

I adore Dakota Fanning. She is a cutie!

I like Seven (1995) but I find it disturbing. I reckon Mona Lisa Smile (2003) is not even half as good as The Emperor's Club (2002) let alone being compared to Dead Poets Society (1989).

The movie that everyone else is making a big fuss about which I've never gotten around watching is Forrest Gump (1994). Oh, and any episode of Star Wars as well.

maybe it was just me...

2005-06-16T04:50:00.000+08:00

My current diet:

Cheese on toast.

I've been having it for brekkie, lunch and dinner for the past 2 days.

I have a feeling I'm gonna ended up vomiting the next time I'm eating that again.

Mercy.

involuntarily diet

2005-06-12T17:13:00.000+08:00

From now onwards till I get a job, I'll be going on instant noodles diet. Honestly speaking, I'm not a big fan of instant noodles. I can practically count with my fingers the number of times I have instant noodles in a year.

That also means I won't be able to afford Baskin-Robbins for now. No retail therapy, daily dosage of skinny lattes or weekly movie outings.

Such is life.

To the kind folks in retail industry: Please please please hire me, although I do not have any retail experience nor connections. I just need to be given an opportunity.

wishful thinking

2005-06-11T02:10:00.000+08:00

Last night, I was looking through my photo albums, flipping through and laughing away at some candid shots, photos taken during my graduation, birthday bashes, pubs crawl nites, dinners, etc.

Then I saw it. I can't keep my gaze away and without me knowing, tears started to well up on my eyes.

It was a photo of both of us...

He was hugging me and we were smiling happily posing for the camera.

Somehow my mind flashed back to the conversation I had with A a couple of nights ago. She is a close girlfriend of mine and a friend of his. And somewhat along our conversation when the topic of him came up, I just melted.

It was probably easier for me to just say let it go and trying to convince myself that it is for the better. It's not that I do not want to let go but because I just could not.

It's been almost a year. If time heals the pain then why does my heart still bleeds?

Then I thought of London. His home. And my thoughts get kind of scattered. I will get there someday but I don't think I will see him again.

the one with the ice-cream

2005-06-04T21:58:00.000+08:00

I don't know what's got into me but I've finished 4 tubs of Baskin-Robbins in 5 days.

That, really freaks me out.

And amazingly I didn't put on weight at all.

reminiscence

2005-06-01T15:39:00.000+08:00

This sudden ice-cream obsession craving thingie, it's been going on for 4 days. And for the past 3 nites that S has failed to deliver a big tub of yummylicious Baskin-Robbins to my door step, he owes me 3 barrels or $100 worth of ice-cream now, whichever he prefers.

I did not even hint him, I told him straight off that I want ice-cream and I want it now. Is it so hard for him to understand that cravings are meant to be attended to immediately? Like pronto! I don't care if people think I'm being unreasonable but cravings are cravings. I don't care if he's busy with his assignment, the ice-cream place is just 10 minutes drive away. I'm just gonna give up on him now. The fact is, he doesn't fucking care about me. Sigh.

Then I thought of W, how he was willing to drive all the way to Macca's whenever I have one of those weird cravings at 3am in the morning. He is the perfect ideal boyfriend who would do anything for me. And me, I'm the selfish good for nothing girlfriend.

*deep breath*

On an unrelated note, memories of Ell keeps on floating back to me for the past few nights. I just don't know why am I still thinking about him that much. But of course, they're all good thoughts. Then it hits me that it's been almost a year since I first met him. One year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. It just seem...

like yesterday.

Fast forward and here I am...

...wondering... pondering...

whether he still think of me occassionally.

I think he does.

But why? Why things don't always work out the way we want them to? Maybe it's for the best that it remains this way. He will always be that special someone to me.

the one with the controlling mother

2005-05-26T15:39:00.000+08:00

I had dinner over at the 'in-laws' last night. His sis and mum are back in town. To W's family, I'm still his girlfriend because they don't know what is going on between us. Needless to say, it's none of their business really.

So his mum and I were sitting down having a chat. She complained how W and his bro never call her since she came over. She lamented how W is being an ungrateful child wanting to move out from her house. Her exact words were, "Now that the dad is gone, he's trying to push all his responsibilities to his older bro and he doesn't want to take care of me. Fine if he wants to do that. He will not get a single cent out of my will". I was thinking what exactly are her problems? Knowing W being the person that he has always been, I don't think he fucking care about his parents money at all. At the tender age of 22, he was already half-way up the corporate ladder without his dad's connection or influence and that is something I really admire about him.

Of course I can't tell that to the grieving widow. W did mention to me before that he wanted to move out so he can be independant despite the fact that his parents owned a huge mansion and there are only 3 of them living in the place now that the dad has passed away and his sis has moved to Perth for good. I guess it's a very different mentality all together.

I know the mum was hinting to me so that I would talk W to back out from the idea. She knew that W probably respects her but deep down inside, it hurts her to acknowledge the fact that his son loves me more than her because unlike his bro or sis, W has never actually open up entirely to his family. And he trusted me with all his heart.

Of course I didn't tell W what his mum said because it will only make him more determine to move out. And whoever said I was gonna talk him out of it? *innocent eyes*

the love that was never mine

2005-05-26T01:46:00.000+08:00

Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you

And I wish on a star, that somewhere you are thinking of me too...

I smile whenever I think of him. He is just...

so far away.

Perhaps someday, one day, my heart will find its own way of letting go.

it's just... josh

2005-05-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

As M and I were sitting down watching Wicker Park last night, I couldn't help noticing how much Josh Hartnett looked like Ell from the side angle.

My mind drifted away throughout the movie. I could still remember how we used to share a good laugher together, how well we clicked and how much he cared for me back then. What's left right now are just memories.

Once upon a time...

kill me please

2005-05-23T01:06:00.000+08:00

I hate it when I can't control my emotions. Most of the time I'm overpowered by it and I ended up being frustrated.

So I did it again.

I thought I was doing a good job in avoiding S but I gave in and replied to his text messages. I told him that I've missed him but as usual, he didn't seem to show that he feels the same way.

Why exactly do I still need to convince myself that he does actually care?

And why does it hurts me so badly bearing the thought of not seeing him ever again?

it's a damn conspiracy

2005-05-22T00:53:00.000+08:00

Bro walked into my room.

Him: I'm leaving for Melbourne tonight

Me: Huh? (pretending I didn't hear the word Melbourne)

Him: I'm going to Melbourne to attend a meeting

Me: Oh...

Him: I'll be back on Sunday night

Then I realized that bro and S are going to be on the same flight back home. Thank God they don't know each other. Just when I thought I'm doing a good job in erasing S from my life, there is always something that reminded me of him.

i don't fucking care

2005-05-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

S text me from Melbourne lamenting how he didn't have enough time to shop at Chapel St. I've actually deleted his phone number from my phone book but it looks like it's not working.

*Sigh*

When I need someone to be there for me, he wasn't there. I know he's enjoying Melbourne.

I don't give a damn!

and so it seems

2005-05-19T13:34:00.000+08:00

This is gonna be another depressing entry.

I've been bottling my feelings inside for the past 24 hours that is is about to kill me. Therefore, I'm gonna have to let it out somewhere and I do wanna spare my close friends from seeing the drama queen in me hence this blog is my only available channel. It's also due to the fact that no one who knows me in real life knew the existance of this blog.

Anyway, my victim of bitching here would be Y, my housemate.

Y told me that he's gonna give me a lift to my part-time job a couple of days ago and I happily accepted that as it saves me the trouble to catch a bus. Then, he rang me 2 hours before I'm due to start my work that he can't make it coz he's sick. It's fine with me really despite the last hours notice coz he is sick. He didn't choose to fall sick so it's not his fault.

I rushed back to take a quick shower and I bumped into him at home.

Y: Oh you don't have to rush, I think I'll be able to fetch you to work now

Me: No, you're sick. Stay at home and have a good rest

Y: I'm not exactly sick. It's the sickness called lazy

Me: So does that means you can send me to work? (thinking: at least I don't have to rush now. Phew...)

Y: Yep

Me: Are you really sure?

Y: Erm... I think it's better if you go by yourself actually

I was about to jump on him and punch him on the face but I've got only my towel on. I just felt I've been the victim of an April's Fool joke.To cut the long story short, I missed the bus and I was an hour late for work due to the thunderstorm. Like really, it's not funny.

Thank you so much for making my life extra miserable dear housemate. Why would you even bother to offer a helping hand when you can't even fulfill it and then giving me a glimmer of hope before crushing it down again? Fick dich!