This morning was the first time since ages that I actually binged on food. Goodness, at 1am? After the whole food poisoning incident, I've been really careful with what I eat but it affected my eating habit - I eat whenever I feel hungry, my first meal at 6pm sometimes. How incredibly unhealthy is that? M was nagging on how unhealthy I am and that explains the reason why I look weak and tired all the time. Bless that girl, she's away at Melbourne at the moment, after all isn't that what Easter break is all about? Time off uni except for me of course, since I'm a professional full time bum now.

I've been smoking a lot as well. A pack of Virginia Slims lasted only 2 days, now that my ciggies stash ran out, I've to wait till my housemate get back from Singapore next week so I can have my Sobranie Pinks (which isn't available back home or here in Aus - shittie!). I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed she'd be able to find it at the airport. In the meantime, I'm spending unneccessary money buying Vogue, which I thought is a real chic ciggies coz they're really slim, and also I'm picky with what I smoke so I don't have much choice really.

It's been almost a month since W left. Yeah, he is still my boyfriend. Despite all the drama with Ell and now, the distance between me and W, I have no idea why I'm still holding on to this relationship. Maybe he is a safety net, he gives me financial security. I'm materialistic. No one can argue with that. But on the other hand, I'm just not willing to let go our 4-year relationship. Yet.

And I met someone else recently...

A couple of weeks ago, I bumped into TH at uni, an old friend of mine and he introduced me to S. First impression, I thought S was scary looking. We went out a couple of times and it never crossed my mind that he was interested in me. Heck, I didn't even think we were out on dates although I noticed how he always dressed up so well whenever we go out, I just thought he has incredibly good fashion sense compared to most Aussie blokes. But then again, he is half Italian - that probably explained his good taste for clothes. I enjoyed his company, he is a good laugh to be around with and extremely witty - in his own way.

So me and S were walking down the beach one night and he hugged me. I thought, "Okay, so he is interested in me. What have I got myself into?"

And I told him I'm sort of attached to someone.

He was surprised nevertheless but he wasn't upset. S still wants to continue seeing me and he refused to stay away. He told me that there is no way he's gonna let me go and that we should enjoy each other company although it was just short term and that no one knows what is gonna happen in the future. The problem is, I'm just not that sort of person who can let go and move on easily when I'm emotionally attached to someone. Everything just happened in a blink of eye and here I am caught in between confusion I bestowed upon myself. Smart woman I am! And as much as physical intimacy goes, I'm just not ready to have sex with him although I must admit I'll gladly jump into bed with him but I know it's gonna hurt me at the end of the day. I know somehow somewhat there is bound to be emotional attachment with this guy if I continue seeing him yet I still want to do so.

I'm just absolutely bummed.