Thursday, February 09, 2006
today i learn to love myself
I had an argument with S a few nights ago. It was over the same old thing.
He is not spending enough time with me.
Everytime I have a fight with any of my loved ones, I'll go into the zombie state where I'd refuse to eat. Not refuse, it's more like I lose appetite to eat. I'd cry and make myself depressed.
I really don't know I'm doing this for sympathy but probably because in the past, this always worked out for me to get things my own way. W would always give in and he'd apologize even though it wasn't his fault at times. But with S, he would just leave me alone and let me sulk all I want.
So I woke up this morning and I realized if I don't start treating myself well, no one will. I don't mean not that others don't care or love me but if I bring harm to myself, it's wouldn't benefit me would it?
I really don't see the point of tormenting myself although I'm generally a dark person. All my girls are like that to a certain extent. I think it was because we find it comfortable living pessimistically.
As for S, I really don't want to think about it now. There is no point talking to him because he just wouldn't listen although he reckoned it was the other way round. I told him I would rather not see him anymore if I can't see him whenever I want.
He is not spending enough time with me.
Everytime I have a fight with any of my loved ones, I'll go into the zombie state where I'd refuse to eat. Not refuse, it's more like I lose appetite to eat. I'd cry and make myself depressed.
I really don't know I'm doing this for sympathy but probably because in the past, this always worked out for me to get things my own way. W would always give in and he'd apologize even though it wasn't his fault at times. But with S, he would just leave me alone and let me sulk all I want.
So I woke up this morning and I realized if I don't start treating myself well, no one will. I don't mean not that others don't care or love me but if I bring harm to myself, it's wouldn't benefit me would it?
I really don't see the point of tormenting myself although I'm generally a dark person. All my girls are like that to a certain extent. I think it was because we find it comfortable living pessimistically.
As for S, I really don't want to think about it now. There is no point talking to him because he just wouldn't listen although he reckoned it was the other way round. I told him I would rather not see him anymore if I can't see him whenever I want.
chica bonita fluttered eyelashes @ 15:56| 4 comments
