I'm away from home at the moment visiting W (my bf/ex-bf/whatever)'s family at his hometown. His dad has just been diagnosed with cancer - his health is deteriorating badly. That explains the complicated relationship between me and W. I don't see myself marrying this guy and all I can say is I'm feeling obligated to stay with him coz we've been together for a long time, and especially not at this point of time when he is feeling vulnerable. Hence, I'm plunge deeper into the shit hole. I have to admit that the whole thing is making me feeling sick and depressed. I know I have to get out, but it's not the right time now. I'm really confused and i'm torn in between doing the right thing or to follow my heart. Then I thought of you, Ell. It makes me equally depressed. I'm still trying to let go, not because I want to, but because you don't seem to care any longer. I smile whenever I think of you and those times when you gave me piggyback rides, when there were only us. It just felt like a dream. A beautiful dream...