I was out for dinner with the usual gang last night, a little get-together before bro's girlfriend return back to Malaysia for good this weekend. It was just a normal bar/restaurant/cafe that specializes in over-rated steaks and damn fucking slow service. We have to wait for at least half an hour before our food is served. I was so tempted to just walk out two doors down to Room Nineteen last year's My Restaurant Rules winner and have my meal there instead. Then I realized I can no longer afford that. When W was around, he'd bring me to fancy eatery place at least once a month (he loves Italian food) and I've been abstaining from Italian food for the past six months because I just got so fed-up of it.

Anyway, the food isn't that good, I prefer my sobranie pinks over eating there, anytime. The company made up for the crappy place though. My close girlfriend, T (yep, the girl who is having emotional breakdown) seemed alright tonight. Phew.. I just feel so relieved. It was good to have M back from Melbourne. She came back with a boyfriend and the Marc Jacobs ballet flats she's been eyeing for the past few weeks. And of course, she managed to get me my all time favourite orange pastilles buttons from Haigh's Chocolates which I first discovered when I was in Adelaide two years ago. She refused to let me pay for it and she told me, "It's the least I could do for you. Love you loads!". How sweet! I always think I've been really blessed as I have wonderful mates.

M asked me about my development with S. I told her I've been seeing him less often now. And I want to keep it that way. I enjoyed his company there is no doubt about it but I just don't want to put myself in another complicated situation, I've just got out from a shit-hole and I'm definitely not ready just yet.

M: So what about you and W?

Me: Still the same

M: Are you ever gonna break-up with him?

Me: I consider myself single now although I told S I have a boyfriend

M: You know the longer you drag it, the harder it will get. I was hurting so much when I decided to break it off with J, I was only with him for 1.5 years. But you... 4 years! Can you imagine that? *cheeky smiles* You guys can get married now!

Me: Uh huh. Touch wood. It's not funny

M: So why did u refuse to give it a go with S? Don't you like him?

Me: I do, but I'm just not ready. But then again, that's probably just an excuse. He knows it's gonna be short-term and he said eventually I'd go back to my boyfriend.

M: How can he be sure you're going back to your boyfriend?

Me: I just couldn't be bothered to tell him anything apart from the fact that I have boyfriend coz I know he's gonna think these are all excuses. I'm half-hanging in a relationship. To be honest, I still haven't get around liking S as much as I feel towards Ell, I just don't want to get too emotional attached to S because it's just gonna hurt me at the end, like how it has happened to me before

M: Well, you probably just miss the feeling of having someone new by your side

Me: *nods* maybe