Monday, May 02, 2005
what am i supposed to do?
I still keep a very close contact with W despite the fact that our relationship is in transition stage. His dad slipped into critical condition last 2 days and there isn't any sign of him getting better. I'm not particularly close to Uncle S but he's definitely one of the most generous person I've met.
I have this weird feeling in my heart, it is indescribable. I can't even say that I feel sad because it's not sadness.
I just feel...
Helpless.
As W's estranged girlfriend of 4 years, I feel I have the obligation to feel sad but honestly, when I tried to re-assess my feeling, it comes down to I don't really know what should I really be feeling. Maybe because I've not gone through the phase where I'm about to lose someone dear to me and I shudder to think about it. What if it was my dad who contracted cancer? What if it was one of my dearest baby sisters?
What if it was me?
Or maybe because I'm just heartless.
I have this weird feeling in my heart, it is indescribable. I can't even say that I feel sad because it's not sadness.
I just feel...
Helpless.
As W's estranged girlfriend of 4 years, I feel I have the obligation to feel sad but honestly, when I tried to re-assess my feeling, it comes down to I don't really know what should I really be feeling. Maybe because I've not gone through the phase where I'm about to lose someone dear to me and I shudder to think about it. What if it was my dad who contracted cancer? What if it was one of my dearest baby sisters?
What if it was me?
Or maybe because I'm just heartless.
chica bonita fluttered eyelashes @ 00:57| 2 comments
