It's 14 degrees outside as I'm typing this. WHEEE!!!

I've been missing the cold weather so much that I was practically smiling at myself whilst walking around the city earlier, not to mention freezing my ass off as I've only put on a long sleeve top on. Smart woman did not bring her jacket along.

I am smiling right now.

J just came online and he told he finally professed his love to his childhood friend that he has always liked. She felt the same way. I convinced him to go up to her and he just seemed reluctant because he was afraid if he tells her, he'd ruined their friendship forever. It just reminded me of the feeling I had when I was in love with Ell. Beautiful memories...

It doesn't hurt anymore that he actually stopped keeping in touch with me. It is his decision and I respect that. I thought he cares for me at the very least, as a friend should be. But I guess I was wrong. Somehow I just can never get around hating him, maybe because the love that I felt back then was so real.

This morning was the first time since ages that I actually binged on food. Goodness, at 1am? After the whole food poisoning incident, I've been really careful with what I eat but it affected my eating habit - I eat whenever I feel hungry, my first meal at 6pm sometimes. How incredibly unhealthy is that? M was nagging on how unhealthy I am and that explains the reason why I look weak and tired all the time. Bless that girl, she's away at Melbourne at the moment, after all isn't that what Easter break is all about? Time off uni except for me of course, since I'm a professional full time bum now.

I've been smoking a lot as well. A pack of Virginia Slims lasted only 2 days, now that my ciggies stash ran out, I've to wait till my housemate get back from Singapore next week so I can have my Sobranie Pinks (which isn't available back home or here in Aus - shittie!). I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed she'd be able to find it at the airport. In the meantime, I'm spending unneccessary money buying Vogue, which I thought is a real chic ciggies coz they're really slim, and also I'm picky with what I smoke so I don't have much choice really.

It's been almost a month since W left. Yeah, he is still my boyfriend. Despite all the drama with Ell and now, the distance between me and W, I have no idea why I'm still holding on to this relationship. Maybe he is a safety net, he gives me financial security. I'm materialistic. No one can argue with that. But on the other hand, I'm just not willing to let go our 4-year relationship. Yet.

And I met someone else recently...

A couple of weeks ago, I bumped into TH at uni, an old friend of mine and he introduced me to S. First impression, I thought S was scary looking. We went out a couple of times and it never crossed my mind that he was interested in me. Heck, I didn't even think we were out on dates although I noticed how he always dressed up so well whenever we go out, I just thought he has incredibly good fashion sense compared to most Aussie blokes. But then again, he is half Italian - that probably explained his good taste for clothes. I enjoyed his company, he is a good laugh to be around with and extremely witty - in his own way.

So me and S were walking down the beach one night and he hugged me. I thought, "Okay, so he is interested in me. What have I got myself into?"

And I told him I'm sort of attached to someone.

He was surprised nevertheless but he wasn't upset. S still wants to continue seeing me and he refused to stay away. He told me that there is no way he's gonna let me go and that we should enjoy each other company although it was just short term and that no one knows what is gonna happen in the future. The problem is, I'm just not that sort of person who can let go and move on easily when I'm emotionally attached to someone. Everything just happened in a blink of eye and here I am caught in between confusion I bestowed upon myself. Smart woman I am! And as much as physical intimacy goes, I'm just not ready to have sex with him although I must admit I'll gladly jump into bed with him but I know it's gonna hurt me at the end of the day. I know somehow somewhat there is bound to be emotional attachment with this guy if I continue seeing him yet I still want to do so.

I'm just absolutely bummed.

It feels good to be back in Aus once again. I moved in to a new place with bro and I've been sorting out my junks. Gawd, the amount of stuff I've got!!! I was shocked! I've only been here for 3 yrs but it looked as though I've been here for 30 yrs. Packed my old clothes away for Salvation Army, did more shopping. Who can resist shopping?

It's job hunting for me now, came by to uni the other day and hmm.. I missed student life! I'm probably gonna enrol in a postgrad course next year if I can save enough money. I'm not eligible for HECS, not that it's gonna help since uni is gonna increase HECS fees. The bill introducing VSU (Voluntary Student Unionism) legislation was being brought up to the parliament yesterday by Brendan Nelson, the pig with evil eyes. Now that VSU is being introduced, universities' student services are under serious threat. I love my uni student guild, they've been doing such an excellent job in defending student rights and fighting on what we, as a student truly deserves. 2 years ago, education was the third largest income generator to Australia's economy and being an international student back then, I was absolutely gutted. What does the future holds for students? Aren't we allow to speak for ourselves? By scrapping compulsory union fees, how can our student guilds survive?

Not happy.